VISION 1/4 AUTHOR: Ewa RATING: PG 17 CATEGORY: S SPOILER: None. Season 7, between X-Cops and Theef KEYWORDS: M POV A SUMMARY: Mulder is in the dark yet sees DISCLAIMER: Any characters you recognize belong to Mr. Carter & Co. ARCHIVES: let me know where it's gone please! AUTHOR'S NOTES The story has been split into four parts for ease of reading 01.09. 2001 VISION Part 1 MULDER'S APARTMENT 6:31 AM It was then that he first noticed it. The alarm was ringing fit to raise the dead. He'd turned over to turn the thing off, and had it crashing to the floor. The sun must have caught his eye for a split instant, long enough to blind him momentarily. "Damn. Like I've really got time to shop for another clock." As he picked his wrist watch up from the night stand it happened again. For a fraction of a second it felt as though he was viewing his watch in a illuminated shattered mirror, then everything was fine. By the time he got back from his run, there was a message on the answering machine."C'mon, Mulder, pick up! Look, something's come up. Skinner is out of town, but he's loaned you...and me to the VCU. They've got something that should be right up your street according to Skinner." Mulder shuddered violently, VCU and Mulder usually meant trouble, for him."I'm on my way down there now, get down there as soon as you can. See you. Oh, by the way, Skinner said you're to be SAC on this one." He could almost hear Scully's grin. The location wasn't that far way, twenty minutes driving, max. He grabbed a quick shower and was away in just under half an hour. Scully would see to all the details. He had full confidence in her. As he drove he thought about how things seemed to be getting better between them. The only time they would open up a little was when driving, but all in all they were more at ease with each other then they'd been for a while. They'd even kissed last New Year for god sake. It made no sense why discussing anything personal was such a problem for them, anything to do with their relationship and they were both in denial and yet they were closer than married couples, so close they shared each others thoughts at times. Why couldn't they ever... "Jeeze! Shit!" It happened again, it looked like the windshield had shattered. His vision cleared just in time to swerve sharply to avoid the collision. Thank God it was a quiet back street he had been driving down. Luckily no one was seriously hurt. Mulder had somehow hit the side of his head on something but apart from that. Apart from that, he was dazed and shaken, it took several minutes to recover his feelings of equilibrium. It had taken all of two hours to sort the mess and himself out. The other guy had gone ballistic, it had been a job to placate him. Mulder had parked the car. BOLTON RESIDENCE Scully *will* be pleased he thought sacastically, as the cab he'd taken finally drew up in front of the address. That she was annoyed as she filled him in on the details, was pretty evident. This was his chance to shine, and he'd let her down. "Fatal assault... 19 year old male... no witnesses." He couldn't concentrate on what his partner was saying. "You okay, Mulder?" "Yeah, I'm good. I *am* sorry....I'll explain later." The look on her face told him that she didn't believe him on the first one, was dubious about the second and would wait to hear the third. "I owe you Scully." "That's correct Mulder, you do. Big time." She noticed the discoloration by his temple, immediately going into doctor-mode. "Mulder, what happened?" He jerked his head away as her hand went to the bruising, . "Please, Scully....Not here, not now. I'm okay, really I am. I said, I'll explain later." He'd done it again. She was backing off. In his absence Scully had covered a lot of ground, getting things under control. She'd got the other agents organized, arranged for support for the family and a doctor should he be required; the local PD were milling around at her bidding, as were forensics. Their reputation for being a strange team must have preceded them and no one had questioned that Scully had taken the reins in her partner's absence. Mulder introduced himself to the other agencies, and got down to work. He was not sure exactly why Skinner had agreed to this assignment. There was nothing even remotely X-file about this case even by Mulder's way out standards. Very vicious, unusual, but that was it. Maybe Skinner owed a favor. It had been a long time since Mulder worked for VCU. His memories of the last occasion were not happy, but he remembered the drill. He took charge, assigning tasks to agents. As they walked over to the victim, Scully got him up to speed. He looked back at the house, and the sun seemed to catch one of the windows, making it flare for a moment. He could have sworn someone was climbing out, and then it was gone. "Mulder, Mulder are you alright?" The worried tone of Scully's voice snapped him back. "Yeah, I'm listening, go on." "The boy came home from college yesterday to visit with his Mom, Dad and two year old sister. He'd stayed up with his Dad for a while, but call it a night at about 10:40. That was the last time he was seen alive." Scully continued. "An early morning jogger almost fell over him in the parking lot bordering on to the back yard this morning." They went back inside to talk to the deeply shocked parents. "We're going to do our best to get whoever did this Mrs. Bolton; as soon as you're up to it, we'll talk." Mulder assured the distressed mother. Mulder left the family to their grief. He felt so inadequate at moments like this. Scully went with the coroner, discussing the injuries the boy had sustained. She'd do the autopsy. Meanwhile Mulder went to Joshua's room. *This* was the room he'd seen someone climb out of...he was sure of it. He shook his head to try to clear his thoughts. Looking around the room he noticed how bare and impersonal it was. Then it happened again, the starburst effect as he turned towards the window lasted longer this time. What the hell was wrong with him? It couldn't be the knock on the head, this had started before that. He'd been concussed before and it was nothing like this. He was concerned. There was something wrong, something serious, that much he knew. It frightened him. He reasoned that he should share this with Scully, but he needed to do this alone. "Okay Mulder, time for action. Scully you'd be proud of me." He thought aloud as he reached for his cell phone. "You mean, I can be seen in an hour, or not till next week?" "I'll be there" Scully came in as he pressed the end button. "Even now my room at Mom's has a lot of my stuff in it. It's almost like he ceased to exist for the family, look there's no posters, none of the other things all self respecting teenagers collect. It's all so clean, so clinical. It just seems so unusual." She'd noticed too. "There's a pile of stinky washing downstairs, my guess is that he came back to cadge a decent meal and get his washing done, what's so unusual about that?" Mulder asked his partner, even as the thought crossed his mind that something about the scenario was wrong. "Let's cut all this emotional crap and keep to facts Scully. Not everyone lives like you. Maybe the kid was into minimalism." He regretted it, even as he spoke. "Is that a typical left brain approach?" Scully countered, visibly irritated by his attitude "No, Just trying to keep an open mind here. I've got things to see to. I need you to stay here. Any problems, I'm on the cell phone." There was a look of stunned disbelief on Scully's face as he left. Why was he taking it out on her? *He* was the one that wanted to deal with this without her support. OPHTHALMOLOGIST OFFICE The tests and questioning by Dr Eko had been very thorough. Had he had any recent head injuries? Was there a family history?The extent to which he was tested alarmed Mulder. His eyes had been dilated, visual fields tested, even a dye study done to take pictures of his retinas. "They've even outdone you Scully" "Did you say something?" the doctor had asked. "Um, no... just thinking out loud." He'd had another episode during the tests. Later, he was sitting in the hallway wearing darkened goggles, awaiting the results when Scully rang with an update. "The initial forensic report shows that there was an incredible amount of violence in the attack. The boy's skull is fractured in three places, there are a number of compression bruises to the neck, shoulders and upper body, also his nose and teeth have been smashed. They haven't recovered the implement yet." He heard her pause for breath. "Injuries such as these would have caused death in anything between minutes and hours," she continued. "In this case, I'd hazard hours. Evidence points to time of death at about 4:30 am, about two hours before he was found. Enough time for him to have crawled from his backyard, through a hole in the fence and onto the waste ground. Mulder... Mulder, where are you?" He couldn't concentrate. "Keep me in the loop, Scully," he said and hit the end button. Sitting alone, in enforced darkness, he was scared. Whatever was wrong with him was serious, very serious. He needed time to get his head around it. He couldn't facehis partner's sympathy and caring at the moment. He had to face this alone, come to terms with it alone. Later...when he'd had a chance.... "Mr. Mulder, would you come in please. Doctor is ready to see you now." Someone helped him up and guided him into the office. He heard Dr. Eko introduced a second doctor. "This is Dr. Bowen, I've asked if he'd take a look at the test results for a second opinion." "Mr. Mulder," Dr. Bowen addressed him. "Would you mind if I took a look at your eyes?" There had been further tests, and even with the second opinion the results all pointed to just one thing. "Look, If you've any idea...I need to know...." "All the results point to a rare viral condition, commonly known as AZOOR, it's characterized by the acute loss of outer retinal function, this causes the starburst effect you are experiencing. It's a virus that lies dormant in the immune system until it's triggered by something, trauma, illness, stress. At this point in time not enough is known. It kills cells in the retina." "So you think I've got this Az...." "AZOOR, yes, the results of the tests are consistent with the diagnosis." "So how do we cure it." Mulder interrupted "I'm sorry Mr. Mulder but ass yet there is no cure, we can use anti-virals, cortisone to slow the progress, but..." "You mean, hopefully, it just gets better on it's own?" "There have been cases Mr. Mulder, where the patient has made a complete recovery, and often there is some residual vision retained. We'll need to do further tests." The truth was slowly dawning on him 'some residual vision retained'. Did that mean he could be blind, with just residual vision left? He could not, would not accept that. This can't be happening. Why me? He shook and felt himself grow very hot and then suddenly cold and clammy, the sounds around him distorted and lights flashed. He couldn't breathe in properly. Breathe slowly...in...out he remembered Scully telling him, over and over again. Dr. Bowen was saying something about further tests, appointments at eye hospital.... Mulder latched on to that. "Further test, means that there's room for doubt? Right?" "At this point Mr. Mulder it might be prudent to talk about support agencies, rehabilitation...." Mulder couldn't listen to this, knocking his chair over in his haste, he ran out of the office. FLYNN'S BAR He couldn't face Scully. Instead of going back to the briefing room he told the cab driver to take him to the nearest bar and was on his second drink when the next episode occurred. Staggering to the men's room, he stumbled into a woman on his way past the bar. He made his way down a long hall to the men's room. Once in the cubicle he totally lost it, smashing his fists against the walls and door until the pain in his hands brought him to his senses. Sinking down on the toilet seat, his head in his hands and wept. His cell phone disturbed his grief. Scully had an update. He wasn't paying much attention until she stopped mid-sentence. "Mulder...are you there? Is everything alright?" "Yes, I'm here." "You sure you're okay, you don't sound too good." "Quit fussing Scully! I told you, everything's just fine." "I'll finish up here and head back. See you in the briefing room." her voice quivered and then the phone went dead. Luckily he hadn't cause any damage, only to his hands and the noise hadn't attracted any attention. He slipped out the fire exit at the end of the hall. FBI BUILDING Back at the Bureau he walked along, dragging his finger unobtrusively along the wall, counting and trying to memorize the number of doors and turnings. Building up a mental picture for the day he may have to rely on it solely. May as well start now; always the Indian Scout, ready for anything that's me, he thought with wry humor. The meeting with the other agents was going well until it happened again and he felt himself lose focus. Scully sensing something was amiss was there for him, picking up where he stopped, seaming it so well that only Skinner, had he been there may have noticed anything was wrong. When it had passed a moment later and he could see again, he saw her look of apprehension. That evening, Mulder was standing outside, staring into the night sky, when she came out. "I used to know the names of all of them, Ahab taught me when I was small." Scully confided.He was waiting for her to say something, to demand an explanation for what had happened earlier but she didn't say a word. Not to give her a chance to ask, he told her how, when he was a boy, he'd had a telescope. "The first thing I ever saw with it was a shooting star, never did see one again." "You never see the things you're looking for. By the way, Skinner called in this afternoon while you were out. He wanted to know how the case was going. He wants to talk to us." "When?" "Bright and early tomorrow morning. See you in the morning," she said as she started towards the car park. "Scully..." he called after her. "You did good work today." "Thank you Mulder, goodnight." In the cab on his way home he wondered how she managed to do it. She instinctively knew something was up. It bothered him that she hadn't asked him about it. Usually she was like a terrier if she even suspected there was something troubling him, yet today.... Granted. his behaviour towards her had been abysmal. He'd hurt her and he *was* sorry. It was just....He couldn't cope with the sympathy, with being treated as a...blind man? A shudder shook him and he felt a sudden need to throw up. He controlled the urge as sweat broke out on his forehead. "Hey, you okay back there?" The cab driver's voice broke through his thoughts. Yeah, yeah, I'm fine," he reassured the man. He just didn't know how to deal with this. He'd hurt her and she was confused as to why. Hell *he* was confused! She hadn't insisted he explained his lateness, his lack of transport, the missing hours. She didn't even offer to drive him home. He missed her by his side. He missed the aura of safety she exuded. Why was he turning away to one person he needed the most? What is it about me that makes me do that? Maybe it's something inbred. When Scully had cancer, she'd been secretive too. Was it an instinctive thing, self preservation? Denial? If your partner didn't know then the condition didn't exist? He still still awake at 3 am. What possessed him to pick up the phone and try to ring her? All he got was her voice mail. He didn't leave a message. What could he say "Sorry, I'm an asshole"? Could he tell her how much he needed her here now, her nonjudgmental, all accepting self, who would hold him tightly to her tiny frame and promise him everything was gonna be fine? Well, this time it wasn't going to be and he couldn't allow himself the luxury of such thoughts. Thankfully he wasn't late next morning and Scully caught him by the elevator to tell him about the change of plan. "Thought I'd save you a journey." He was thankful for that, although he'd not had another episode since last night, but he still didn't fancy falling on his ass in front of her. "Turns out Mr. Bolton is really Joshua's step dad. He's first on our list for interviewing this morning, seeing he's the last person to have seen Joshua alive. C'mon we'll take my car. I can't face your driving this time of the morning." Her attempt at humor fell flat. Mulder couldn't get the tapes in the machine to record the interview, and fumbled before he finally succeeded. "I'll do that," his partner volunteered quietly. "It's okay, I've got it Scully, quit fussing." He didn't look at her, didn't need to. The interview with Joshua's stepfather went well, there were no real surprises He'd admitted that it hadn't been easy at times, bring up a stepchild. "He was nearly five when I came on to the scene. We've always been close, but I can't deny we've had our ups and downs, I mean teenagers, they're not the easiest of species to relate to. Then Maria was born. When he went to college we persuaded him to live out.You know kids of that age, they need their independence." As Mulder looked at Phil Bolter, the man's face acquired the starburst effect but more than that, behind Bolter Mulder could see another, a man in a blood soaked t-shirt, whose face had been caved in. As Mulder dropped his head onto his hand, he felt the brief touch of Scully's hand on his knee under the table as she took over the questioning. The episode hadn't lasted long, but left him shaken. This was the first time he'd 'seen' things...then he remembered the window and the first morning of the case. She drove them back in silence to see Skinner. There wasn't even the usual banal banter about her needing the practice. The silence was broken when she said quietly "Dad used to say, if something really bad happens, the trick is to use it make it work for you." He gave her a blank look, pretending he didn't know what she meant. The meeting with their superior consisted mainly of updating the man. Mulder still had no idea why they'd been assigned to the case. Skinner noticed his lack of concentration. "Got anything to add to Agent Scully's report, any theories?" "Um, no not at present, I think Scully's pretty much covered it all." "Well, I must say, this is probably a first." "Sir?" Just as Mulder thought the interview was over Skinner struck. "Is this a fashion statement Agent Mulder, or have you decided to rewrite the Bureau dress code." Mulder saw Skinner looking pointedly at his feet. To his chagrin, Mulder saw a black sock and a gray one. "Umm...power cut this morning...," he mumbled as he hurried out of the door after Scully. The AD didn't seemed amused. Keeping close to the wall, Mulder walked towards the elevator, trailing his left fingers along the wall as he went. For the most part he could see okay, but the episodes when they came lasted longer, long enough for disorientation to occur. As they neared the elevator one of the agents on the case caught up with them."Sir," he said addressing Mulder. "There's been a break through, we have a lead on the prowler." The agent excitedly thrust the file at Mulder. "It's not the paper work I'm interested in. Get out there and look for him or do I have to go and do that as well?" Mulder said sarcastically. "Sir?" Scully took the file from the bewildered agent and shot Mulder a look of pure venom. He cut short anything she might have said. "I've got some calls to make." Turning he left her. He felt her eyes boring into his back, all the way down the hall. End of PART 1 VISION 2/4 AUTHOR: Ewa RATING: PG 17 DISCLAIMER etc in part 1 Part 2 DR. EKO'S OFFICE The news wasn't good. The doctor was sure that his initial diagnosis was correct.Mulder wasn't having it. He insisted that over the past few days the episodes hadn't increased. There had been a slight change in character to some of them, but that was all. "...Start seeing things, delusions are common as sight diminishes...cause is not known. Another phenomenon is completion, where your brain lets you 'see' something simply because you expect to see it there....degree of residual sight...degree of damage...can't be more specific at this time." It frightened Mulder to realize that some of this was already happening to him.Much of what the doctor said simply went over his head. He was too upset to assimilate all the information that swamped him. He couldn't deal with the facts, and more importantly the repercussions that they would invariably have. Nevertheless he took the tapes and other information the doctor offered him. In the cab on his way home, he phoned Scully, he needed the comfort of her voice. Just hearing her pre-recorded message calmed him. MULDER'S APARTMENT Later He lay on his couch in the dim light emitted from his fish tank, the only sound, the reassuring gurgle of it's pump. He got up and put on one of the tapes the doctor had given him. It was very patronizing, Mulder couldn't bear the smug voice telling him about sight loss. In a flash of frustration and anger he whipped it out of the player and smashed it against the wall and sank to the floor, covering his face with his hands. He'd recently discovered the terrace on the roof of his building. There wasn't much up there only a skylight and some chimneys, but the view, especially at night, was worth the two flights of stairs. There was a narrow parapet around the roof on which he now sat, legs swinging over the edge, a half empty bottle of Jack Daniels in his hand. He stood up on the ledge and started walking along it's narrow shelf, swaying and wobbling as he went. So, he could fall, there was plenty, far worse, could happen to him, he thought. At least falling would be quick but knowing his luck, he'd shatter his spine and end his days a paraplegic as well as blind. Yes, he was feeling sorry for himself, but in a macabre sort of way he was actually enjoying it. He walked to the end of the parapet and back again. What about Scully? whispered the tiny voice in his head "She's better off without me, look at the work she's doing now! Hell! I'm supposed to be the agent in charge, focused, leading the way and she's having to fill in for me as usual." He looked up sky wards self-pitying moisture stinging his eyes, blurring his vision for a moment. Wave after wave of black despair swirled around him; hopelessness and fear dragged him to the edge of the ledge, taunting him, daring him to step forward. So easy, so quick.... As the mist cleared from his mind and eyes he saw the shooting star, on it's journey across the firmament. He corked the Jack Daniels, and climbing off the parapet, decided to fight back. He opened the door to his apartment to the last ring of his cell phone and then the phone on his desk rang once, before the answering machine kicked in. "Mulder if you're there, pick up....Something's turned up." Annoyance in her voice turned to anger. "Where are you Mulder? What the hell are you playing at?" What the hell *was* he playing at? The cab journey back to the Bureau building didn't take long at this time of night. He hoped the place would be deserted. He needed it to be so to carry out his plan. He knew his way around their basement office blindfold, and he could probably get away with it in Skinner's, providing the man didn't decide to shift his furniture but AD was too set in his ways to do that. No, it was the briefing room that would cause him the most trouble. Well, he was about to set that right. Why was it so important? It was only going to delay the inevitable. You're sounding like a loser, Mulder, you need Scully to kick some butt here. He smiled at the thought, the first time since the diagnosis. Keeping his eyes tightly shut, he paced the room counting, getting the place mapped out in his head. Soon he could walk into the room, toss his trench coat nonchalantly onto the hanger and maneuver his way all around the room without stumbling or tripping. If he kept his hands just so..., he'd be able to feel a chair back before he blundered into it.The biggest problems would be his fellow agents and judging distance. That's why he'd lost it when Becket had come to him with that file, he'd not been able to work out where to put his hand. How much was Scully aware of? She'd saved his ass on a number of occasions recently, almost instinctively she seemed to know what was needed. She hadn't demanded explanations, which in itself was out of character, but he was gratefulfor small mercies. Mulder went to get a drink of water from the water dispenser, his frustration got the better of him as he missed the cup and spilled liquid over the floor. He swore violently, kicking out at the machine. He tried again, this time inserting his fingers into the cup so that he felt both the spout and the level of the water. He did it. He attempted it again, listening to the gurgles, counting so he could gauge the duration. He finally sat on the desk where he'd sat on previous occasions, feeling rather pleased with his achievements. There was faint waft of a scent that reminded his so much of his partner. He recognized he was getting jumpy in the silent building. "Hello! Hello?" He called out, more to reassure himself. But there was only silence. Finally, in the early hours he got to bed, exhausted, and slept soundly for the first time since this started. FBI BUILDING 8:00 AM The hours of practice last night paid off. He could recognize most of the agents by voice and because of where he sat if they needed to hand him anything, they were the ones who had to complete the contact. He even managed the drink of water trick. The latest twist to the case was that Phil Bolton had an identical twin, Pierre Morel. The brothers had been separated at birth and had been adopted by very different families. They had only found each other only some four and a half years ago. Although very alike physically, the circumstances of their upbringing had made their personalities very different. Pierre had lived with the family for nearly two years, and had got on very well with Stephanie, Phil's wife. In that time he had developed a special relationship with his step-nephew, Joshua who was almost fifteen then. Pierre had decided that he didn't fit in this style of life and had gone back to Quebec. He'd been out of the picture since then. He showed up again after hearing of his nephew Joshua's demise. The statements made by Joshua's flat mates made Mulder think that Joshua was not as happy as his parents thought. He'd told his friends he didn't want to go back to visit, yet something kept drawing him back there. Something that he was very anxious about. Mulder had another press conference scheduled and there were things he needed Scully to do while he 'fronted' the interview. "Be your eyes, you mean?" Her of the cuff remark shook him. How...? Then he caught a trace of her scent, she *had* been here last night. The conference went well, he'd kept control of the situation and hadn't let events overwhelm him, even though his sight had failed him twice He'd dealt with it by keeping focused on whoever was speaking. There was so much you could work out from that. MULDER'S APARTMENT That evening he sat at the desk in the brightest light possible, trying to decipher some of the reports with the aid of a high-power magnifying glass. He'd already learnt that plugging a dozen lamps into three extension leads was not a good idea. The first time he'd done this the improvement to his sight was noticeable but the whole building had been plunged into darkness as the overload blew all the fuses. Tonight the work was heavy going, and he had a headache. There was a knock on the door, it could only be Scully. Hurriedly he shoved the magnifying glass and the support tapes into the draw, before calling out, "Come in, it's open!" "Have I caught you at a bad time?" Scully asked anxiously as she came in through the door. "I was expecting the takeout delivery." "I've brought the kid's video diaries over. His flat mates brought them in, I thought we could go through them tonight." "Um...this really isn't a good time for me. I might need to go out." He was saved from further explanation by the arrival of the take out delivery boy at the door. It took Mulder some time to sort it all out. "You want to eat? There's enough" He called to her, his appetite was fast deserting him. "No thanks, but I could really use a drink of water." He went into the kitchen to fetch it for her concentrating on not spilling, not fumbling, and then he understood. "So it *was* you last night. Why didn't you say anything? He said to her. "I thought that was your call." "Uh, I'm just getting used to some new contact lenses, it's no big deal." "Do I give the impression of having an IQ in single figures?" The silence that followed was deafening. He was going to have to bluff it out. "I have a problem with my eyes. I'm dealing with it." "How bad a problem?" "Look I'm dealing with it, and if *you* can't...you can always put in for a transfer. They've been trying to split us up for long enough." He expected a slap, he expected tears, he expected her to storm out, he *wanted* her to storm out, it would make him feel better about the way he'd been treating her. The icy voice said. "If I know an agent is seriously impaired, enough to endanger himself and his partner, I'm obliged to report it; in triplicate if necessary." What Scully said knocked the fight out of him. He needed to tell her and he owed her the truth. The took a deep breath. "It's called AZOOR, some sort of viral illness." "What's the treatment?" "There isn't." "You're going blind?" "I don't know. I don't know how bad it's going to get or how soon, they couldn't tell me that. I can see you at the moment, most of the time I see quite clearly." Mulder tried to explain. "Close vision is hard," he continued. "With a magnifying glass and very bright light I can get by. When this thing happens, things blur and everything seems very bright,like a sort of starburst. The best way I can describe it is that it's like looking into an illuminated shattered mirror, all the cracks and breaks radiating out from a central point, everything is distorted. Other times it's like someone's thrown a stone through the windshield, that kind of effect.." "And there's no doubt about the diagnosis? AZOOR? I've heard of it, it's rare. But why? Why you?" She stopped for a moment. "Mulder, I knew you were having problems with your eyes but... I'm so sorry." His anger and frustration got the better of him. He grabbed the glass off the table and threw it against the wall. The sound of the glass breaking was quite satisfying. His voice shook, he wasn't sure if it was through anger or fear."Why the hell do you think I didn't tell you? Why? Jeeze! That's another thing I'll have to get used to, tea and bloody sympathy! I'm telling you Scully, I can't take that, especially not from you!" He wanted the world to hurt as much as he was hurting at the moment. From the look of devastation on her pale, shocked face, he'd just about achieved his purpose. The silence between them grew. Finally Scully broke it. "I'll settle for something a lot stronger just now Mulder." She didn't go to help him as he got the rest of the Jack Daniels out and found a couple of glasses. She didn't offer to pour. Neither of them spoke as she cleared away the broken glass. They sat on the couch with their drinks, a place they'd shared so many good and bad times. This must be the worst, he thought. "Are you in pain?" Her question surprised him. "Only in bright light, and ironically, that's when I see best." She sighed. "Look Mulder, I need to see your doctor, will you at least let me do that, Who is he? What hospital...?" Then her Irish heritage got the better of her. "How dare you Mulder? What the hell were you thinking of...After all we've been through, how dare you ditch me again and try do this on your own? You have some God given right to put yourself and those around you in jeopardy...?" She paused to catch her breath. "At least you had the sense to stop driving...There's no way on planet earth that you're going to be able to sit on this Mulder." "I didn't go through normal channels." "But they *will* find out. You know the rules." "As from today Scully, there are no rules. I'll do it a day at a time." "How will you read reports, interview suspects?" "And what do *you* suggest I do Scully, sit in the dark until I can no longer tell the difference between day or night. I could always put my gun to my head...." Both of them were breathing hard by now. Mulder didn't want her to touch him and she gave him the space he so badly needed. "I need more time." He swallowed hard. "I need....There was a blind man near us when I was a kid.... I can't be like him..." He felt a tear trickle down his cheek. He turned away from Scully and stood up. "Never seeing daylight, the trees in the fall. Never seeing the face of the woman you make love to...." She walked to stand in front of him. "You can touch, feel..." He didn't answer, just shook his head. "Like this..." She touched her fingers to his cheek, drew them along his jaw and then traced his lips with her thumb. He pulled away from her. "Go home Scully! Go home and write your report, do whatever you have to." "You asked me today to be you eyes...." "Your words!...If they find out they'll blow you out too!" She spoke calmly, in control now. "Sleep on it Mulder, we'll talk about it in the morning. Anytime I think we're jeopardizing the case, we'll call it off." She walked the door. "I'll pick you up at 7:30. Be sure you're ready." Softly she closed it behind her and he sank back onto his couch, the tears falling freely now that there were no witnesses, somewhere deep inside him the pain and anger lessened. Next morning as he dressed, he discovered Scully had been matching ties with shirts and putting paired sox into his pocket of his dress pants while he'd been dealing with the take-out delivery boy True to her word she was at the door punctually. Coming in, she looked him over and immediately took a tissue out to wipe the shaving foam he'd missed near his ear, then straightened his collar. He turned to object. "You want to check my nails as well mommy?" "Listen Mulder, either we do this properly or not at all." The atmosphere between them as she drove was more relaxed than it had been for a while.He opened up enough to explain what had happened the last time he'd driven. "You couldn't drive my car back to my apartment, could you ?" He asked sheepishly. "Don't worry, I'll sort it out." They drove in silence for a minute or two. "Skinner isn't stupid, Mulder, he knows something is up, he's concerned. But the moment he knows officially then he's duty bound to act on it." "Then we'll just have to make sure he doesn't know." She was nearing the FBI Building when he said. "After his assault, why would Joshua crawl to an empty parking lot? It would have made more sense to have tried to escape towards the safety of home." "Maybe he was disorientated, confused. He was suffering horrific injuries..." "But to get to the parking lot he had to crawl through that broken chain link fence, that took some doing in the condition the kid was in. What if he knew the attacker...What if he were trying to get away...What if it were home that posed the danger..." "Mulder, what you're saying..." "I can't make it out, it's almost as though I know, as though I've seen... I just can't put my finger on it Scully. It's there, just out of reach...." In the next hour or so, Mulder had plenty of opportunity to see just how resourceful his partner could be when she set her mind to it. On the way to the briefing room she walked in front of him, so that he had to hold the back of her elbow as they walked down the centre of the hall, discussing the case as they went. He couldn't help tightening his grip as another episode struck. "Those video diaries, do you want me to, -steps up Mulder-, to look them over with you?" He found that she'd maneuvered him over to the hand-rail. "No, I can do that. Thanks Scully." They'd managed the staircase without trouble. "That's what I'm here for," she answered in a low voice. By the end of the morning, they'd got it down to fine art. Sometimes he would walk along with his hand on the small of her back, sometimes holding her elbow, to all intents and purposes leading her, rather than the other way round. They worked together well as a team, but then, that was hardly surprising. In the briefing room, she stood next to him as he sat perched on the edge of the table, so it was most natural for her to collect any documents and then hand them carefully to him. He had to report to the other agents that he hadn't got far with the profile. There was no motive. The other agents reported their progress or lack of it but Mulder lost concentration, he was aware that Scully had taken the lead, questioning various members of the team on their results. Through it all he was aware of the her next to him. It was as reassuring as what was happening to him was frightening. Apart from the usual phenomena, he was seeing things, Like someone that looked like one of the twins but wasn't. The man's face was caved in, the image zoomed in and out of focus, and there were sounds, distorted, unrecognizable and yet familiar. His hands clenched tightly on the table edge to stop himself from falling. For a moment it felt as though he was whirled around in a centrifuge, and then it all stopped. Nobody seemed to notice anything. "Sir," one of the agents addressed him, "Where do you think we should be going with this?" "There's something vital we're missing, it's staring us in the face" He dismissed the agents to their assignments and when They'd gone,Scully put her hand on his arm. "I fine now Scully, how long was I out of it for?" "About a minute, you sure you're alright Mulder? You look like..." "Yes, I know, shit." He finished the sentence for her. Scully smiled as she said,"Actually I was going to put it a little more delicately." "You and I Scully, are going to interview the twin brother, Pierre." They were near their parked car when a group of agents came by; he worked out why Scully had insisted he have the car keys that morning. "Must be your turn to drive Scully," he said holding the keys out to her. She grinned. They spent a grueling afternoon interviewing the step-father's twin. Pierre. Although identical in every respect to Phil, he spoke with an accent, having lived in Quebec all his life. There was nothing unusual about Pierre, he worked hard on the land he had there. He'd never be as rich as his twin but hey, there was more to life than money. Asked why he'd lost contact with his newly discovered twin, his reason seemed plausible. Stephanie, his twin's wife had discovered she was pregnant again, after all that time. Pierre just felt in the way with the newly expanding family. He told the agent's he'd always had a very good relationship with his nephew. Joshua had actually come to stay with him in Quebec for a few weeks after he'd moved back there. Mulder must have stopped for a moment; he simultaneously felt Scully touch his knee and heard her asking the next question. Looking up at Pierre, Mulder distinctly saw the little girl, the baby of the family fading in and out. The images of her and her uncle mingling and swirling. He wiped a hand across his face as he tried to collect his wits. "Mulder, you're pushing yourself too hard. Call it a day." She told him as she retrieved the tape from the machine after the interview. "I can't, you know I can't Scully. Something's not right ...there's something...There's something I should see, something so obvious. I need to speak to Stephanie Bolton." Thus, the afternoon continued. Joshua's friends had said how he didn't want to go home, yet something kept making him return, it was almost an obsession. There was something here. Mulder had to dig deeper. He had this in mind when they met up with Mrs. Bolton. Stephanie told the agents how the marriage had not been easy, her husband hadn't always been faithful and was often away on extended trips. But in the last three years things had improved, he had changed, they were making things work, they had the baby. All she wanted now was to bury her son. To have closure. Mulder sympathized with that, hadn't he down a similar path not so long ago? Scully had the reportand results from the autopsy to look at. Forensic had come up with something new so Mulder took the cab home, he still had the video diaries to go through. She phoned him later that evening, while he was working on the videos. "I could stop by if you want, I'm all but done here." "No Scully, go on home, it's been a long day and I've nearly finished here." "Um, Mulder, I've got something to tell you. It wasn't strictly professional of me but I met with your doctors today, after you went home. I told them I was your doctor. I feel they've been accurate in their diagnosis. I trust them, they're good, but they agreed with me that you should see someone else. Washington National Eye center would be a good place to get another opinion.... Mulder I made an appointment for us to see the senior specialist there in the morning." "Scully...." "Please Mulder, please do this for me. I'll pick you up, Okay?" It was out of his hands now, and it would be good to have her with him." "Okay, fine." He replaced the receiver back on it's cradle and was shaken by the intensity of the next attack. It was as if he were being sucked through a great hole and instead of the usual pattern radiating out he saw what looked like great shards of glass rushing towards him. Falling, everything was falling. His knees buckled and he huddled in a ball until it had passed. "Did you have a bad night Mulder?" He wasn't surprised at the question, he'd seen how pale he looked in the mirror. It *had* been bad. The episode last night had upset him more than he'd admit. Through the night he'd had nightmares, things he'd seen during his episodes ran through his head churning and mixing, calling to him. He had woken up in the early hours covered in sweat, too scared to go back to sleep. Scully called in to say they were going to be out of town conducting further interviews. With that done, they got in the car for the drive to the hospital. END of PART 2 VISION 3/4 AUTHOR: Ewa RATING: PG 17 CATEGORY: S PART 3 WASHINGTON NATIONAL EYE CENTRE 11:51 AM "Mr. Mulder please take a seat, I'm Dr. Kirsch, I specialize in Retinal and Vitreous diseases. Dr Scully, we've met before I believe." Mulder couldn't quite see the doctor, but she had a pleasant sympathetic voice. They'd been there for hours, going through battery after battery of tests where the ophthalmologist viewed his retinas, shining the narrow beam of light into his eyes. "There is evidence of inflammation, although the retina appeared quite normal There are other tests we need to do to prove the extent of dysfunction of the retina." Mulder was feeling very tired by now and scared, and had developed a splitting headache as a result of the investigations. The worst was to come; the electroretinogram. This involved recording the electrical response of his retinas to light. Dr Kirsch informed them that this test confirmed the visual loss he was experiencing, was due to retinal disease rather than problems elsewhere. The results seemed conclusive she told him, yet although it did look like AZOOR, there were other things that didn't fit in. "You mean like me seeing weird, crazy things?" "No Mr. Mulder, that is quite normal. Some of the results don't add up. I'd like to leave it for a day or two to give your eyes time to settle and see you again at the beginning of next week to try and gauge what changes have occurred. If that's okay with you." "Just get me out of here Scully," he'd all but begged her when the doctor had finally finished with him. It was a relief to know that he had no need to hide his fears from his partner anymore. On the drive back Scully asked. "What sort of things do you see Mulder?" "A man, t-shirt covered in blood with his face caved in. People climbing out of windows, showers of glass coming towards me, just the ordinary run of the mill stuff." "No, Mulder. That isn't run of the mill. The optical effects yes, but not this." "I don't want to talk about it." He mumbled They drove in silence for a while. Finally Mulder asked, "Would you do something for me and not ask any questions?" "What do you mean?" "No, no questions. Just drive us to that disused airbase on the edge of town." She looked at him and for a moment he thought she'd make an issue out of it. "Okay." Once there he ordered her to get out of the car. "I need the keys," he told her. A whole gamut of emotions crossed her face. She bit down hard on her lip but she did as he'd asked. As he moved over into the drivers seat she caught his arm. "Mulder?" "Trust me Scully, I need to do this. Please." Her eyes glistened and there was a frightened look on her face, but she let him go without another word. He took off like a bat out of hell, putting his foot down on the gas as far as it would go. The feel of the speed was exhilarating, he pulled up sharply only to change direction and do it again. Again and again until the fight left him and he slowed to a stop and finally turned the engine off. He got out of the car and leant against it trembling. He felt her hands on his shoulders give a gentle squeeze before she helped him into the passenger seat and drove them back to his apartment without a word,the grayness leaving her face gradually. That evening as he went thought the interview tapes again, he felt drained but calmer and more focused. He shouldn't have frightened her like that he thought. Scully tried so hard to help him unobtrusively. She'd color coded the tapes, which made things a lot easier for him. He played them, aware that something was staring him in the face, it was that apparent yet he couldn't see it. He'd gone through them and started on the boy's videos when Scully knocked on the door. She came in without saying a word and took her coat off. She'd been home and changed, he liked the button through sweater she was wearing, it matched her eyes. "What's up Scully?" she was very nervous he could tell just by looking at her. "Scully?" Without answering she went around the room turning all the available lights on, muttering about probably regretting this. She walked into the brightest area and turned to face him. "It's all been about seeing things, doing things in case...." Scully undid the tiny buttons on her top and shrugged out of it. She stood before him, exposing not only her body to him, but herself. He felt the breath whoosh out of him. This was all moving way too fast. She saw his shocked face, his hesitation, and read it as rejection.She turned away from him, her bravado evaporated, leaving shame and embarrassment in its wake. She fumbled to find her top, head downcast and biting on her lower lip so hard Mulder thought it would bleed. "Scully?...Scully, c'mere." She stopped moving away and and with her back still turned towards him, slowly turned her head him, face gradually lifting but unable to make eye contact. He dragged off his Knicks t-shirt. As he stepped towards her, there was confusion on her face; such an expressive face, Mulder thought. He put his hands on her shoulders and drew her to him, close but not touching. He slipped his still warm T-shirt over her head and dressed her in it as if she were a child, before turning her to face him and encircling her with his arms. She rested her head against his chest and he felt the wetness of her tears on his skin. "I know what all this is about Scully...I understand, but I don't want it, not like this, not as a sacrifice. When the time comes...when we're both ready...now is not that time." Her arms slipped around his waist and she clung on. Cupping her chin in his fingers he drew her face up so she had to look at him. "Scully I don't need pictures... I don't need this. If I were to go blind this moment I would always remember the way you look, the way you are... I carry you with me always here, and here." He pointed to his head and heart. He paused, his voice dropping to a whisper. "Stay with me tonight Scully, please, I just need to hold you." She nodded her head. Still with his arm around her, they put the lights off and he led her to the couch. He pulled her up until she lay across his chest before drawing the Navajo blanket up over them. She settled down against him as he stroked her hair and thought how close you had to come to losing something before you comprehended how precious it was to you. Holding her as she slept was healing him. The glow of the light from the fishtank played on her face as he watched her eyelids flutter as she dreamt. He'd dreaded her rejection now that he was visually challenged, but she, she was there fore him, ready to help him overcome the challenges, ready to sacrifice.... He hugged her closer to his heart and she murmured something he couldn't catch. The humming of the pump woke him nexy morning and he saw her asleep beside him. He reached out to touch her, only to encounter an empty space. How ironic, this is what the doctors had called 'completion', he thought. Seeing things where your brain thought they should be, She wasn't far away. The video player was running quietly and Scully was going through the diary entries. "Look," she said to him when she heard him move. "Look at the change in him Mulder." She put on one of the early tapes were Joshua appeared the normal, carefree teenager. "Now, this is one of the last entries. Look at him, the difference in his attitude, especially when he talks of his family. He has to go back, he's worried about the shit hitting the fan." Mulder didn't appear to be paying attention. "It's all about touching and feeling... Now why didn't I think of that before? Scully I'm going down to speak to Phil and Pierre, together if possible." Scully looked preplexed as Mulder continued, "Can you arrange to speak with Mrs. Bolton, I need to know more about Pierre's relationship with the family and why Joshua changed so much." As luck would have it he wasn't been able to meet with the twins together, but it didn't matter. One thing about his condition it had heightened his other senses. The brothers were identical twins. Although they sounded different they had the same smell about them and their hands had felt the same as he'd shaken them at the end of each meeting, although one of them worked on the land, the other was a pen-pusher. He scheduled a meeting with available agents and then phoned Scully, telling her to meet him in the briefing room. Mulder ordered surveillance on the brothers, but wouldn't give reasons. His theory appeared 'out there' even to himself and he wasn't prepare to share just yet. There was an atmosphere of dissent amongst the agents, no one seemed eager to move. His "What part of now don't you understand!" got them moving. There were comments muttered about Spooky and psychic abilities. Scully had been there with him and looked if not confused then disbelieving. He countered anything she might have to say. "Scully, if I'm wrong I'll apologize." "I doubt it, that takes practice." She smiled. He arranged for the brothers and himself to meet. All three of them would meet at the Bolton residence. He already knew what would happen, only one of them would show, the other would phone in to say he couldn't make it. Scully will have my hide for ditching her, he thought. But it was the only way he could prove his theory. It wasn't even a theory as such he tried to justify, more a gut feeling he was *this* close to a break through. It was almost on the tip of his tongue... Pierre was at the house to greet him, they sat and waited. Ten minutes passed then there was a call to the house. Phil was very sorry, he wouldn't be able to make it. He was stuck in traffic. He hadn't shared with Scully on this. That evening, needing some fresh air and a place to sit and think a while, he went up on the roof. It was relatively quiet up there. He sat on the parapet, remembering his desperation the last time he'd sat here. Scully might not heal his eyes, but she'd managed to heal him within. Her acceptance of his condition meant everything. Putting himself in her position he knew how difficult it was for her to allow him the degree of independence she did. He shivered and pulled his leather jacket closer around himself. It wasn't cold. Danger! He could sense it all around him. Phil was behind him to the left; the other, Pierre, to his right, the voices changed position mixed became one only to separate out again. Carefully he swung round and climbed off his precarious perch. Some instinct made him move to the right at the last moment, and he felt the body hurtling past him, followed by a grunt. Pierre or was it Phil dangling over the parapet, the steep drop to the sidewalk beneath him. Cautiously Mulder grabbed at his arm to try to hold on to him. The man was taller than Mulder and outweighed him by some fifty pounds. Mulder felt his grasp slipping. The impetus of their separation knocked Mulder backwards, back towards the skylight. He couldn't avoid the inevitable. He felt the impact, heard the splintering crash and felt himself falling into nothingness, hurtling downwards through emptiness. As he fell he saw again the long shards of glass falling with him, towards him with him and he knew the truth. ALEXANDRIA HOSPITAL He had got away very lightly. A few bruised ribs, grazes, cuts, nothing that a few well placed sutures hadn't fixed. He couldn't believe how lightly he'd got off which was more than could be said for his leather jacket which was a write off. It had taken the brunt if the glass showering down on him. He waited for Scully to come back and take him home. The case was solved. Talking to Mrs. Bolton would just confirm things, but that could be left till tomorrow. There was no rush now. The double murderer had himself perished in the fall. Just then, his fiery partner walked in. "Have *you* got some explaining to do G-man. It had better be good." He smiled innocently at her, Scully's attitude was more due to concern then anger, he knew it and she knew that he knew. It didn't prevent the dance that always took place at this point. "C'mon Mulder, I'm taking you to my place. At least I can keep you out of trouble there." SCULLY'S APARTMENT. 2:37 AM She'd picked up a bag for him as they took him to hospital. It lay on her bed now as he stood still damp from the shower. It felt so good to have washed the blood, grime and glass splinters off. He was supposed to keep the sutures dry, but he'd had to clean up as well. Lesser of evils he thought.He dressed in his comfortable sweats. Scully insisted he lay down and rest. Once she'd assured hreself that the suture were still intact, she sat on the bed next to him Indian style. "Right Mulder, I know it's late and I know about what happened tonight, but the case...a double murderer? What do you mean?" "Phil and Pierre, they're one and the same, at least they have been for the last three years. Pierre had an affair with Mrs. Bolton, I'm pretty sure the baby is his. Phil must have found out. It was okay him playing around but...She said their marriage had always been difficult and suddenly three years ago everything changes. They are reconciled, she has the baby and suddenly everything is just fine." Scully looked bemused. "I don't follow." "You remember all those trips Phil took on business?" Mulder explained, " Pierre had apparently lost contact with the family but I believe Pierre was still very much in the picture. He killed her husband Phil very soon after Stephanie found out she was pregnant in much the same way as he killed Joshua, and it wasn't difficult for him to assume his murdered brother's identity." "But how... There's no proof, no body." "I think they'll find Phil in Quebec. I saw the body, not once but twice. Just as I saw the baby linked to Pierre, just as I appeared to foresee what would happen to me." He propped himself up on his elbow. "Pierre has been living a lie for the past three years. I don't know whether Mrs. Bolton knew, I suspect she didn't question the subtle changes, that she was just glad that things had got better between them. But somehow Joshua found out. He was trying to keep an eye on his family, I suspect that last night it came to confrontation. Pierre had too much to lose." Mulder was quiet for a moment. "That's it! I couldn't fit in the very first vision I had, someone climbing out of Joshua's window. It was Joshua, he must have known he was in danger, must have been trying to get away." Mulder looked animated as the final pieces of the puzzle came together. "Pierre jumped him in the garden, and laid into him with the garden shovel. He must have thought the kid was dead. That's what you wondered about Scully. Remember? He *was* escaping to safety...away from the house. He was trying to get away." "What about the prowler?" "There never was one, it was all to put us off. It's easy to start a rumor like that in a neighborhood, and then everybody is seeing things." Scully was puzzled. "How did you work out the connection between Pierre and Phil?" "It was something you said Scully, remember? About touching and feeling?" He saw the blush feathering across her cheeks as she suddenly found the pattern on the comforter the most interesting thing in the world. He took her hand in his. "I suddenly remembered that although they sounded different, their hands felt the same and one of them was supposed to be laboring on the land, and they smelt the same. I didn't appreciate how everyone has their own intrinsic scent until that night when you found me out." Scully nodded and then turned over to put the bedside light out. "Get some rest Mulder, we have a lot to do tomorrow, and you're not exactly in good shape to begin with." In theory, the following Monday morning saw them off the VCU assignment and back to X-file duties, but Mulder had been given ten sick leave with desk duties to follow. Somehow Skinner had swung it that Scully could spend a great deal of that time with her partner. "You do realise we owe Skinner," she told Mulder on the way to his appointment at WNEC. WASHINGTON NATIONAL EYE CENTRE Eye specialist office. "Mr. Mulder do come in. You might be pretty uncomfortable with your eyes dilated so we'll keep the lights down until the doctor comes in." "Scully...?" "'Kay Mulder, I'm here." He felt her hand on his elbow as she guided him in. This was going to be the last of another battery of tests. His head already ached and his eyes felt so sore, especially with that stuff they'd put in to dilate them. Dr. Kirsch greeted him. "Hello, Mr. Mulder, it's good to see you again, how have you been?" The interview began, questions that he'd been asked a dozen times today. "Have you had any recent injuries to your face, head or eyes?" Mulder could feel her looking at the bruises and sutures on his head. "Hmmm....That was a bit of stupid question." He could hear the smile in her voice as she answered herself. She gave him a small card. "Look at the parallel lines and tell me what you see." He squinted to see anything at all, and even then the lines seemed skewed. Next, the doctor and the student spent along time shining very bright lights into the backs of his eyes; they asked him to look in various directions so that they could better study his retina. It was getting rather painful and pretty annoying. He breathed in and out slowly in a bid to contain his feelings. At last they were finished. He could hear them conferring to the side of him. Scully who'd been standing behind him all this time slipped a reassuring arm around his shoulder. "You're doing good Mulder," she whispered to him. Dr Kirsch was back to talk to the patient. "Mr. Mulder, we are recommending fluorescein angiography, that's a dye study. It will enable us to have a good look at the blood vessels in your retinas, to see how well they're working." He was taken to a small room in the Diagnostic Photography Unit, and sat on an uncomfortable rolling stool, Scully came in with him and was somewhere behind him in the darkness. The technician explained. "We will start an IV in your hand Mr. Mulder, so that we can inject the dye. Once we're finished taking the pictures we'll remove the needle. Are you okay with that?" What could he say? He hated needles but there were no options. "The dye we use is vegetable based and has very little risk of allergic reactions. Do you have any allergies to food or drugs that you know about?" "No, none that I'm aware of." He was sure that Scully would put them right if she thought he did. "You might feel a sensation of warmth as the dye is injected, you might also feel a little nausea, let us know if you do. About twelve seconds after the injection the dye will appear in the arteries of your eyes. Over the next two to five second period, the dye will travel through the capillaries and fill the veins. After about ten minutes the dye will have left the eye, having stained the optic nerve head. It's any interruptions in the flow that will show us what the problem is. You ready Mr. Mulder? Here goes the medication. Keep your head steady. Now please keepeyes open and stare at the red light." He could hear the clicking of the camera as it took a quick series of photos of his retinas. He tried taking deep breaths as he broke out in a cold sweat, he tried to hold on. He groaned as his breakfast reached his throat. The technician acted fast holding up a receptacle, as Mulder and the bagels and coffee Scully had persuaded him to have, parted company. Scully was with him in an instant, giving orders and gently easing im down to the safety of the floor. Scully knelt before him cleaning him up with a damp cloth, while he cradled a bowl, retching all the while."I just wanna go home Scully," he said weakly. Once his partner and protector-in-chief got moving there was no stopping her. She had a word with Dr. Kirsch and asked if they'd managed to complete the test. "Yes, Dr. Scully. Thankfully he managed to hold on just long enough. The tests did all indicate AZOOR" Scully organized another appointment for Wednesday and had him brought out the car in a wheelchair. Mulder was in no fit state to argue. The journey home was far from pleasant, the retching continued wave after wave. Once home, she helped him into his bed and let him sleep. It seemed only a moment later that she was shaking his shoulder and telling him to wake up. groggily he opened his eyes and had a tumbler of water thrust at him. "C'mon Mulder, drink this down, you need to clear that dye out of your system as soon as possible." "But it'll start me off again." "Do you want to end up in hospital on an IV?" God, but that woman sure insistant. Between being woken to drink and waking up for trips to the toilet, he managed to get through to evening. His best medicine was sitting there beside him holding his hand or stroking his hair. WASHINGTON NATIONAL EYE CENTRE Eye specialist office. One week later. "Mr. Mulder how are you feeling, how are the eyes?" "They seem a lot better, I still get the flashing lights and starburst effect, but nowhere near as much or as often. It's strange, but since my argument with that skylight, things began to improve." "Do you mind if I look?" While she was busy testing, Mulder reminded himself that his landlord was still hounding him for the cost of the repair to the skylight. He had already upset the man when he'd fused the entire building. Mulder wasn't supposed to be up on the roof in the first place Mr. Grimmer maintained, and VCU didn't want ant responsibility. For sure, that's next month's paycheck gone, he thought morosely. Dr. Kirsch had just finished her examination of him. "Well Mr. Mulder I don't know what to say." "What is it? What's the matter?" Scully was alarmed. "Dr. Scully, it's not so much a case of what's wrong as of what isn't wrong." "I ran some of the tests twice to make sure that I hadn't misread the results. I'm really surprised at how much improvement there has been in the last few days. The inflammation in the backs of Mr. Mulder's eyes are quite dramatically reduced. In all my years as an ophthalmologist I have never seen anything like this. I'd have expected this sort of an improvement in say a year to eighteen months; most definitely not in a matter of days." Mulder could feel the goofy grim spreading across his face. He looked up at his partner who stood next to his chair and saw the joy in her face. Scully slipped her arm around his shoulders. Dr Kirsch went on." It's really most unusual, I'm almost tempted to say that you were originally misdiagnosed. But we have the proof of the tests is here." She paused for a moment, "They do say there are stranger things...." END part 3 VISION 4/4 AUTHOR: Ewa RATING: PG 17 CATEGORY: S SPOILER: En Ami Season 7 KEYWORDS: M/S A R SUMMARY: Mulder has to cope with his disability DISCLAIMER: Any characters you recognize belong to Mr. Carter & Co. 01.12.2001 VISION Part 4 As Scully drove them back to his apartment Mulder finally voiced the concern she'd had this past week. "Why ten days Scully? Three I could understand, four, maybe if we caught him on a particularly good day, but ten?" Mulder shook his head as he pondered. "Do you think Skinner suspects?" "There's no way of knowing, by Monday it will be a moot point anyway, There's no way that you'll be able to pass the medical for field duties Mulder. If you go before the Board, we're finished, we know the implications of that." MULDER'S APARTMENT That evening Scully was in Mulder's kitchen preparing a pizza with everything on it but the kitchen sink. "You finished peeling those onions yet Mulder? I need them now. Mulder?...Earth to Mulder." "Wha...did you say?" "Onions, I need the onions." "Oh yeah, I nearly done." "Mulder, what's the matter, you're miles away." "I was just thinking.... About what Dr. Kirsch said, about Monday, about where I go from here." "Since when have we ever done things by the book? Let's see what happens before we decide." "This isn't going to work Scully. I can't pass the fitness for duty test, and even if by some miracle I did, what good would I be to you, in the field? How could I watch out for you? I'd be putting both of us in danger." "If you don't pass that test, then we're both as good as done with the X-files, and probably the FBI." "Not us Scully, *me*. You've been through enough, you've sacrificed enough. I can't, I won't jeopardize your safety or your career." There was a moment of silence as his words sank in. Scully all but erupted."What is it with you men? Tell me? Aren't I old enough or mature enough to decide, on my own, about my future and career prospects? First Dad, then Bill and now it's you Mulder. I expected more from you!" "But...." "Don't you but me! Yes, I know, you were just thinking of me. That's the crux of the problem. Everbody's just thinking of me, but it's not about *me*, it's about *us*. I've invested too much of my life into being your partner and saving your ass over the last seven years to quit now. I *refuse* to watch it all go down the pan. Whatever happens Mulder, happens to *us*. Am I making myself clear?" He looked stunned as silently he nodded his head. After they'd eaten they sat on the couch. The conversation had been stilted between them. Trying to ease the situation, Scully asked, "Exactly how much can you see Mulder? I understand about the blind spots, be I just can't imagine what it's like for you." Mulder sat quietly for a moment, then he got up and went to his desk without answering. Scully didn't understand what he was doing as he took a sheet of paper, folded it in half and proceeded to randomly stick the sharp tip of the pencil through it time and time again. "Mulder, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you." "You haven't. Wait a minute and you'll see. This," he said, indicating the almost shredded piece of paper, "will show you better than I can explain." "Now, take the paper and cover you face with it." Scully was mystified, but did as he'd told her. "It's crude, but that's probably the nearest to the way I see things at the moment." Silently holding the paper to her face, she looked around the room. It was a strange experience. She could see, but unless she managed to look directly at an object she couldn't see it. She'd lost all peripheral vision and the 'all- around' view that she'd taken for granted. It was almost like looking through a lot of keyholes all at the same time. She could understand why judging distance was so difficult for him. Instead of just glancing in a given direction to see, she now had to move her whole head. She took a step forward, nearly falling over the coffee table that was out of her range of vision. "Jeeze Mulder, I had no idea...as a doctor, I studied these things, but...to see like this... I never imagined....They could use something like this in medical school." She sat down and picked up a newspaper. Trying to read through the sheet of paper was very difficult and a great strain, although it was a little easier in the brighter light. "I had no idea Mulder, I wish I'd known sooner..." "What difference would it have made?" "I would have understood better what it was like for you." She took his hand in hers and absently played with his fingers. "We'll get through this somehow Mulder, something will turn up." "Scully, the eternal optimist. I'll be out of a job by Monday evening. Then what?" "*We'll* be out of a job. We'll find something else Mulder, something we can do together." "But, Scully, the FBI is your life, you've given up so much for it." "You still don't get it Mulder, do you? The X- files, the FBI have been challenging, I've loved doing it, but it's *you* I need to work with. I don't care if we have to empty trash cans together. If that's what it takes, that's what we'll do." She still had her finger's laced through his. She reached up and pulled his head towards, her lips brushing his cheek. "We've a lot of work in front of us but we'll get by. Get some sleep Mulder, you need to rest. I'll be back tomorrow and we can worry about where we go from here then." Giving him a quick hug, she let herself out. It was Saturday evening, and they'd decided to have a takeout delivered. Mulder had one of his favorite videos playing. It was too tiring to watch, but he was enjoying the soundtrack. There was a knock on the door. "I'll get that," said Scully, who was getting the plates ready in the kitchen. Mulder turned towards the door when he heard her gasp. "Sir?" "This meeting never happened!" Mulder heard Skinner's angry voice as their superior strode into the room, followed by an agitated Scully. "I need to know exactly how bad things are Mulder!" "Sir...?" "Don't insult my intelligence any further. I've given you enough time and unless you want it all to go to hell in a bucket, I suggest that you tell me exactly what is going on. I need answers, I need to know the truth. Now! It's my butt that's on the line here, I've got a lot riding on this." This was it, the moment they'd both been dreading. "If I'm going to be of any use here, I need to be in the picture." Skinner's voice was calmer now that he could see the resignation on their faces. Scully brought him up to speed. She ended by showing him the paper mask Mulder had made for her the night before. Skinner tried looking through it. "My God Mulder! Is this really how you see things?" "More or less Sir." Skinner was silent for a moment. "If you kept to your office, to desk duty, how well do you think you could function?" Mulder and Scully looked at each other in surprise, "You mean..." "You'd have Scully to help you. You've already managed to overcome many obstacles. The word amongst the other agents you worked on the case with was that you were 'strange', but there was no mention of anything else." "What about the medical, Sir?" asked Scully, hope gleaming in her eyes. "As Agent Mulder would not be returning to active field duty, I don't see any reason to have him be examined, do you Agent Scully?" No Sir," she agreed. "We don't want to be seen spending tax dollars unnecessarily, do we?" "Why, Sir? Why are you doing this...? I mean the rules clearly state...." Mulder asked.It was hard to believe what he was hearing but Walter Skinner was a compassionate man with a long memory. "I don't want to lose two good agents, it's taken me a long time to knock you into shape; besides I believe in giving everyone a fair chance. And rules Agent Mulder, as you've pointed out to me on previous occasions, are just that." Scully looked at the AD, not quite beleiving what she was hearing Skinner continued, "First thing Monday morning get your asses down to that basement of yours, and tell me what accommodations you need to make this work." With that, he terminated the agents interview and strode out of Mulder's apartment. Within two weeks, Mulder and Scully began believing that they might indeed get away with the subterfuge. Things were not easy but they were coping. True to his word, Skinner had arranged for the minor adjustments Mulder required. That afternoon, Mulder was on his way back from Skinner's office. He maneuvered through the building pretty well now. As he reached the elevators, he tripped up on a box of copy paper that had been left out in the hallway and went sprawling. Skinner alerted by the commotion, and was there immediately to assist his agent and luckily the hallway had been empty and no damage was done, It didn't come as a great surprise to them the following morning, to learn of the impromptu Health and Safety Inspection of the whole section of the building. One of the recommendations was that all hallways must be kept free from clutter. Worn carpets and a loose handrail on some stairs had also come to light. Scully strongly suspected that the inspection had been Skinner's idea. Mulder was getting increasingly frustrated by his forced reliance on his partner. True, he could type up reports, be checking them was very difficult, and reading documents on the computer was almost impossible. Skinner aware of this took it upon himself to rewrite their 'job descripton'. "The FBI needs your talents as consultants, and your work will be assigned as I see appropriate. If the VCU needs a profiler then you'll profile, same goes for the Behavioral Science Unit. Agent Scully, you will continue in your role as an investigator and forensic pathologist. However, you will be required to assist Agent Mulder efficiently, appropriately and when necessary." He raised his voice menacingly,"Are we all clear on this?" "Yes, Sir." "Yes, Sir." "Good, then I have another suggestion to make. From now on files will be available to you transcribed to audio. I've also arranged for latest document reading programs for your office. Using earphone will ensure that no one else is inconvenianced by it. There will also be a delivery ea#rly next week of one or two other aides that I wish you to test out for the department. I will require a report on my desk as to their performance." Skinner stood to end the meeting and said, "So, if there aren't any questions..." Mulder got to his feet. "No, Sir.No questions." "Then get started." He turned his back on the agents as they left his office, but not before Scully glimpsed the look of compassion on the AD's face. Muller also needed to be able to get out on his own. "You can't be with me 24/7 Scully, it isn't fair on you, and besides, sometimes I need to be on my own." In daylight he managed to use cabs and, taking his time, he could usually find his way to where he needed to be. Scully worried about him going out and getting disorientated, or knowing Mulder's penchant for bad luck, getting into trouble somewhere. Langley came up with a simple solution, a tiny tracker device that, when placed into Mulder's cell phone, could be activate by Mulder by speed dialing 9. If he needed help, the Gunmen could pinpoint his location in minutes on the tracker equipment they had at the fortress. "That's going to be great, providing you don't lose the damn cell phone." chuckled Scully. "Although your track record *has* improved recently." Mulder was very excited about the amount of independence all this gave him. Scully was very proud of the now independent Mulder. They knew it amused Skinner to see them still walking together so very closely, knowing that with Mulder's improved confidence and knowledge of the building, it was rarely warranted. It was a habit that she was glad Mulder didn't seem to want to break. It seemed only right that Skinner accompany them on Mulder's visits to Dr Kirsch. The doctor was impressed by Mulder's continuing progress. There were improvements at every visit, but she wouldn't commit herself on the chance of a complete recovery. "Mr. Mulder, I'm astounded at the progress you've already made. It's more than I had a right to expect. As to the prognosis, I'm sorry I can't be more specific, but I just don't know." Yes, he was better, yes he was coping very well, but Scully could see the longing in his eyes to do field work, to run, to drive, to take off on his own. He put on a brave and bold front for the world to see Mulder coped and even flourished as he learned to investigate, analyze and profile with his impaired vision. He even confided in Scully that his lack of sight improved his profiling skills and his sense of hearing and smell. Mulder always knew when Skinner was near their basement office. Calling out "It's okay Sir, the door's open," always unnerved the AD. It became a challenge to see if Skinner could outsmart Mulder. There was never any question of any field work being assigned to them as a team as that would immediately bring the fitness tests in it's wake. That spark was missing in Mulder and Scully would have done anything to get that back. She often looked at her partner and thought. I want to take that sadness away, the sadness, and the pain. I want to wrap my arms around you and hold you until it all disappears. I don't know if I can, but I want to try." They had just gotten back from Dr. Kirsch a few days later when Mulder received an anonymous email about a case of spontaneous remission. Scully got her chance. Even the discovery that the message had originated from CSM, did not deter her. The need to explore any posibility for a cure for Mulder was paramount. This need led her to ditch her partner and without a word to Skinner, go missing for four days. She didn't go into it blindly, she checked the facts and they appeared genuine. CSM confessed to her that he was dying, but he wanted to make restitution and he needed Scully's help to clear the slate. She would have made a pact with the devil himself for her partner's sake. Scully hated ditching Mulder, but she knew full well that he would stop her if he knew.So she lied. Phoning Mulder's appartment when she knew he was out, she left a voicemail saying she'd be out of town for a few day as there was a family 'situation' and he wasn't to worry. He returned her call just as she was about to leave. "Scully, pick up if you're there...I got you're message, hope everything's okay. See you soon." CSM was waiting for her and she hadn't picked up, didn't want a chance to think about the doubts she had about the wisdom of her actions. Mulder was very uneasy and went over to her apartment only to meet her landlord. He man Scully had left her building with to Mulder and Mulder panicked. A phone call to Scully's mom, confirmed there was no family emergency. Mulder was very agitated by the time he navigate back to Skinner's office. Skinner was concerned also. "It's just not like her to lie to me Sir," he confided to his boss just as Skinnergot an incoming call on his private line. Skinner took the call with Mulder in the room. Scully was on the line but she declined the offer of speaking directly to her partner. "She says to tell you she's fine Mulder, but she doesn't want to speak to you." said the AD as he replaced the receiver. "I know you're worried Mulder, but she she said she hasn't run out on you, she said not to worry." But Mulder was worried enough by her uncharacteristic behaviour to involve the Gunmen. His gut reaction was that she was in grave danger and he was powerless to help. "Surely she knows I'll find her, no matter what," he told Frohike. "I just feel that if we don't find them soon, we may not see Scully alive." The Gunmen found that Scully's computer had been hacked into, and any number of files and emails 'siphoned off'. "Jeeze, Scully can't know what she's involved in here." Byers exclaimed when he saw this. Scully turned up within days apparently unharmed, with a disc she claimed held the cure for all diseases. Mulder wouldn't even look at her when he first saw her, he felt so angry. She'd scared the shit out of him and he felt so helpless. He was hurt by her apparent lack of confidence in him and the risks she'd taken. "Why Scully? Why with him?" "Because of this Mulder," she said, showing him the disc. "I did it to get this." She tried to explain. After analyzing the disc, the Gunmen found it was blank, it had all been a cruel hoax. Scully was devastatedby the news. She couldn't beleive it, not after all the risks she'd taken. Her eyes filled with tears, "But it can't be...I saw it...." What could she tell him? I went off for a few days with our arch-enemy because I thought I could cure your eyes. I had the cure in my hands. Idid it for you, I did it for us. She kept silent. In Mulder's apartment, much later when they'd both had time to calm down they tried to talk about the whole episode rationally. "I'm sorry Mulder, I let you down, I hoped...." She couldn't say any more, her voice trembled and she swallowed hard. Mulder looked at his loyal, caring, pigheaded partner and at last understood. "C'mere Scully." He pulled her gently into his arms. "I'd have done no less for you." He trembled as he spoke, it was a relief to hold her safe in his arms, to feel her head resting over his heart. He ran his fingers through her silken hair, reveling in the feel of it. He rested his cheek on top of her head and breathed in her scent. "I don't care about the X-Files, I've found my sister, it was that what drove me. Now I only need you. I'll still get bad days, but we can get through it, we'll be fine. If my sight never gets better then it's okay, we'll manage. I promise you Scully." He stopped as he felt her shaking in his arms. "Shh, it's okay.... Please Scully...please don't cry." He rocked her. It was some three months later, that Dr. Kirsch contacted them. Mulder's sight had been improving progressively, so that the news she had for them came as a complete bolt out of the blue. "There's a procedure developed by the Russians which may benefit you Mr. Mulder. I must stress that it's still in the experimental stages, but the results so far have proved astonishing...." Scully was afraid that the surgery wouldn't work. If they didn't try, the surgery couldn't fail, but that wasn't what Mulder needed. Just before Mulder went into surgery for the procedure nine days later, Scully again asked him,"Do you really want to risk it all Mulder?" "I've got to give it a try, you do understand that, don't you." His hands cupped her face and he kissed her eyes. "Wait for me?" "I'm not going anywhere. I'll be here when you wake up," she promised." It was the longest three hours of her life. The very delicate operation seemed to take forever and the waiting took its toll on her. Skinner sat with her, his arm gently on her shoulder, only leaving he side to fetch the awful hospital coffee. When they'd removed the bandages a week later he was still suffering from the headaches, his eyes were puffy, swollen and very sore. With the technicolor bruising to his face, it was just as well Mulder hadn't looked into a mirror, Scully thought. "It's very early days yet Mr. Mulder, it will be a while yet before we can tell if it's been a success, in the meantime, no bending, no strain. You have a lot of delicate sutures. You need to have complete rest to give your eyes the best chance of recovery." By his next follow-up visit the improvement had been phenomenal, He would have to wait a little longer for the special contact lenses to complete the treatment but Mulder had waited all this time so what was a few weeks more. END