From: Humbuggie/Spooky San/San <san@sv-tales.com>
Date: Mon, 24 Jun 1996 21:06:30 +-200
Subject: The Driver

Disclaimer : Not mine.

This story is dedicated to Lindsey, Tam and Exodus, for being the best
ones around. I love you guys.

The driver
by Y.H. Spooky San

    I saw the old lady first. Scully hadn't even noticed her, until she
walked up the street, right in front of a car.
    'Watch it!' I heard myself shout as I did two steps forwards, and
pulled her backwards. The car passed us in an inch. As I let go of the
woman, she turned towards me. Her face wore the curves of time, her
hands were carrying a white cane. She was blind.
    'Are you alright?' Scully asked worried. 'Would you like to sit
down?'
    'No, dear,' she responded with a kind voice. 'I'm fine. Thank you,
young man.'
    I saw Scully smile. The woman continued: 'You have saved my life,
haven't you?'
    'I just saw it happen,' Mulder said. 'That's all.'
    'Good. I'll remember it. Thank you, young man. You will be
repaid.'
    As she moved on, this time waiting until a man took her by the arm
and helped her cross the street, Mulder smiled. Talk about a weird
encounter.

    She told me she didn't feel the danger lurking around the corner.
She didn't even see it coming, until it slapped her right in the face.
Neither did I. I sat next to her, and I didn't see it coming. I just didn't.
And I was the driver.
    It wasn't as if we were working on a case. We weren't dragged into
anything. Nothing at all. Nothing that could bring us in the danger we
were starting to get used to. We were just on the road, with nowhere to
go, nothing special to do. We just drove.
    She laughed. It still echoed in my ears as suddenly that truck drove
backwards out of the parking lot, pushing itself up the road. I saw it
coming - the blow. I was the driver. I remembered her laughter. Her joy.
It didn't happen that often that we had the chance to relief some pressure.
    She heard me yell. She had to hear it. It came from the inside of my
body, and echoed along with her laughter. In the corner of my eye I saw
her. Her face - pale and distracted - cold and fearful. I turned the wheel,
but the car hit the truck with complete impact. She wore her seat belt, but
that didn't prevent her from hitting her head against the windshield. She
wasn't aware that the car crashed against the back of the truck, that it
tumbled twice through the blue sky, and then landed on its roof in a ditch.
Glass splintered as the windshield crashed. I heard her scream. In my
dizzy state, I saw her reach for her eyes, before she passed out. In her
attempt to keep consciousness she cried out my name. 'Mulder ... Mulder
...' Then nothing anymore, and the world turned dark for an instant.
    As I looked up, I saw people standing outside the car, they looked at
us. My head was bleeding. I could taste my own blood. I felt dizzy. Scully
lay besides me. Her eyes were closed, her face was damaged. I was the
driver ...

    'M - Mulder?' My name lay on her lips as if she had never lost
consciousness. It was the last thing she had said before passing out, it was
the first thing she said waking up. 'Mulder ...?'
    Her hand touched the blankets lying on top of her, searching for me.
I got up of the chair, lay my hand on her wrist, and said :'It's okay,
Scully. I'm right here.'
    Her fingers touched mine, and as we reached out for each other, I
didn't dare to look at her face. But I had to. On the other side of her bed
sat her mother. Her eyes, filled with tears, looked helplessly into mine,
screaming silently for help.
    'Mulder ... M - Mulder, I can't see. Mulder, my eyes. What is
wrong with my eyes?'
    Scully's voice went through the depth of my body. Oh god, Scully
... Her hand clawed at the bandages around her eyes, trying to pull them
off. Her calm voice sounded louder now - more terrified. 'Mulder, I can't
see! Mom - Mom, are you there? Mom, I cannot see!'
    Her mother raise from the chair silently. Touching her daughters
face, taking her hands, she whispered: 'It's okay, honey. I'm right here.
You'll be fine. Your eyes just need some rest, that's all. You will be
okay, I swear.'
    I saw Mrs. Scully take her daughter in her arms, whispering: 'It's
okay, baby, you'll be fine. Mom's her.' Scully held on to her mom as if
she was a child again, and the white bandage around her blue eyes, broke
my heart. Just to watch those eyes loose their sight. Oh god. Why?
    Just a few minutes ago the doctor had told us that Scully would
never see again. The glass in her eyes had destroyed the pupils. A 6-hour
operation hadn't changed that. Scully was blind for life. And I was the
driver. God, why wasn't I the one? I remembered how Scully asked: 'Do
you want me to drive?'
    I had responded: 'No, that's okay.'
    And now she was blind because of me. I was the driver.
    A nurse came in, sedated Scully, and we watched her slip away into
darkness again, with one hand touching her mother's hands, and the other
one touching me. As she fell asleep, I turned around and left the room.
Outside I felt myself shivering. Why?
    'Don't blame yourself, Fox,' a voice behind me said. 'It was an
accident. The truck driver is the one to blame.'
    'But I was the driver.'
    'And you almost died yourself. Look at you, Fox. Here you are,
sick with worry about her, while you should be lying in bed yourself. Go
home, Fox. Dana will come to terms with it. She has no choice.'
    'That's kind of hard, isn't it?'
    'It's the only way I can ... I can deal with it myself ...' Mrs. Scully
sighed. 'God, how am I going to tell her she will never see again? I have
to do, she's my daughter. But I am so afraid that ... She can't handle this.
She needs her work ... you ... She needs to see. And now ...' Mrs.
Scully's voice broke, as she turned away and repeated: 'Go home, Fox.
You need your rest.'
    'No, I'm staying.'
    Resolute I walked back inside that room, sat down on the same
chair, and watched her. Watched her sleeping body, her covered eyes, her
hands, my own trembling hands. Felt my own damaged body.
    I remembered the trip to the hospital. Scully lying next to me in that
ambulance. I was dazed, but even in that state I knew instinctively she was
heard real bad. Then I passed out, I guess, because when I woke up, I was
lying in a hospital bed. Mom was next to me, and Skinner was in the
room as well. He asked me what had happened. Immediately everything
came back. As I asked for Scully, they told me the truth instantly. From
that moment on, things would never be the same.
    I was lucky. Except for a slight concussion and some cuts I was
doing well. But seeing the Scully the way she was now, hurt like hell. I
wanted to avoid seeing her mother, but I couldn't. I wanted to get out of
here, but knew I had to stay. So I stayed.

    The 2nd time Scully woke up was even worse. It was as if she had
realized during that sleep that things would never be the same again. She
would never see again, never be able to see the sun rise, to see the colors
of earth, to see us. She turned away from his, kept to herself, pushed us
away from her, and now, no one could reach through to her. The doctor
had told her the truth.
    A dark blanket of silence fell. The world tumbled. And Scully was
blind.

    I was tired, so tired. I couldn't reach her - couldn't get through to
her. There was no one to comfort her, not eve me. Scully ... I know what
was going through her. I knew her well enough for it. And I knew I
wasn't to leave her along for very long. She had seen the world in its good
and in its bad. She had encountered murderers, abducters. She had seen
death in the face. And I knew she wanted to die right now. Without the
light in her eyes, there was nothing left for her.
    I left her alone while she was sleeping. It was the 3rd day after
waking up. Her mother had gone home to get some rest. The room was
filled with flowers and cards, but she couldn't see them. The doctor, who
had removed her bandages, had left the room silently. Her dead blue eyes
just stared. I couldn't stand it.
    I walked over to a coffeemachine, tasted the bitterness, and walked
back. As I opened the door, I saw Scully standing near the window. Her
hands tried to push open the handle. When that didn't work, she started
pushing against the glass.
    'Scully!' I said as I saw the glass break. The cup of coffee dropped
on the floor. I grabbed both her hands, turned her around, and pulled her
away from the window. A nurse came in. She had probably heard the
noise. 'Dana ...' I said. 'Why?'
    'Let me die ...' Her voice broke as she slid against the wall. 'Let me
die ...'
    Her words shocked me. She struggled to free herself from my
bonds, but I wouldn't let her. She hid her head between her bleeding
hands. 'Let me die ... I don't want to live like this ...'
    'Never,' I responded firmly, even though my body was shaking like
hell. 'Never ...'
    The nurse helped me getting her into bed. Somehow we managed to
comfort her, and she didn't object as they tranquilized her. I looked down
on her, and realized she was gone. Her mind was lost. Her body would
follow soon. Scully was too proud to live like this. She wanted to die, and
unless we stopped her, she would do it.
    I sat down on the edge of the bed, and kept on thinking: 'God, let
me take her place. Please, let me take her place.' But nothing happened.
And she was blind.

    I went home. I was tired. Too tired to stay with her any longer. I
wanted to be there for her, but not like this. And her mother had returned
to take my place as her watchdog.
    As I opened the apartment door, I noticed the darkness. I didn't want
to be here. But I had no other choice. I walked up to the window, and
looked outside. People were walking on the street. An old lady with a
white cane. Where did I see that before? God, my head was spinning. I
need to rest.
    I lay myself down on the couch and turned on the tv. While Twin
Peaks was on, I fell asleep.

    Hours later I remember waking up. It was dark in the room. I was
tired still, but in a different way. I got up. Why was it so dark? Not a
blink of light was shining through those curtains. I touched the couch, the
table. I walked up to the windows, touching the furniture. Then, as I
opened the curtains I felt sunlight on my face. Sunlight? And I couldn't
see. I couldn't see!
    The phone rang. I heard it besides me, besides the couch. I tripped,
fell over the table, got up, and grabbed the phone, while starting a slight
form of panic. I ... What was happening to me? I grabbed the horn as the
answering machine clicked on. 'M - Mulder,' I said.
    'Mulder, it's Mrs. Scully. It's Dana. You'd better come up here,
quick.'
    'What is it?' I said while feeling fright around my heart. 'She didn't
... oh god, tell me she didn't ...'
    'No, Mulder. Calm down. It's unbelievable. A miracle, it has to be
a miracle. She can see again!'
    'W - What?'
    'Dana has regained her sight. Come up here, Mulder, right now.
She's asking for you.'
    I heard a short click. The phone fell out of my hand. I sank down on
the ground. Scully could see again, and I was blind. I was blind ...

    The phone went again. I hadn't even realized I had been sitting there
for at least an hour. I didn't pick up. I just sat on the ground, staring into
darkness. Scully's darkness. But it was worth it. I was the driver. I
deserved it. I had asked God for this, and He had responded. His ultimate
proof of existance. I was blind.
    But I knew that I couldn't live like this either. Relying on everyone,
being helpless, not seeing the sun anymore. Just being blind.
    I heard cars in the street. Birds singing outside my window. Never
before had I heard this. Why was every sound so bright now? Why did I
hear the things I had never heard before?
    My hand reached for the phone. My fingers touched the buttons,
searching for my mother's number. The first time I had it wrong, and
turned up somewhere completely different. Then I heard her voice through
the horn. I couldn't speak.
    'Hello?' I heard her ask. 'Hello?'
    'M - Mom ...?' I finally said.
    'Fox, is that you ? Fox?'
    'Yes.'
    'Fox, what's wrong? Where are you?'
    'I'm home.'
    'Are you alright?'
    'Mom, I ... I ...' I started to remember something. The woman I
had seen downstairs, standing in front of the window, with the white cane.
I did see her before. Just a few days ago, when I pulled her away from the
wheels of a car. She had something to do with this, I could feel it.
    'Fox? Fox, are you still there?'
    I hung up, crawled up, and started searching for my way out. I had
to find her. She was here, somewhere. I could feel it. She was waiting for
me.
    Touching the walls, I was able to find myself a way out. The walls
seemed so familiar yet it was the first time I touched them. The door knob
lay in my hand. I opened it. I heard voices and footsteps in the corridor.
Patiently and with closed eyes I waited till they had passed me. I heard a
woman say: 'How are you, agent Mulder?'
    'Fine,' I responded. Then, as the footsteps had passed me, and I
walked on, feeling dizzy, and somehow able to keep myself up. I was
blind.
    The door. I felt it. The sunlight on my face. I had to see the sun.
Why couldn't I see anymore? Footsteps past me. I had to get out of here. I
just had to find her. She had to help me. But I ... I was blind. No, I
couldn't live like this. Not like this.
    A hand touched my shoulder. I startled, then turned and said:
'Who's there?'
    'Come with me, agent Mulder,' a voice said. 'Come with me ...'
    A hand grabbed mine, and pulled me with it. I couldn't see, yet I
knew exactly who it was - what she was doing. I followed her
indiscriminately, without hesitation. If I had to die, I would die. If I
wanted my eyes back, she would give them to me. I trusted her.

    Guided by the woman whose life I had saved, I found myself able to
find a spot somewhere on a parkbench. I heard children's laughter, birds,
music. I couldn't see it. I was afraid.
    'How did you do it?' I asked. 'You gave Scully back her sight,
didn't you?'
    'I gave her your eyes,' she responded. 'That's what you wanted,
wasn't it?'
    'And now?'
    'Now you are blind for the rest of your life.'
    'I cannot stay blind. I will die.'
    'I know.' I heard her get up, and thought for a second she would
leave me there alone. But then she grabbed my hand, and said: 'You are
not alone, agent Mulder. She will take care of you.'
    'No, not like this. I will not live without my eyes.'
    'There is nothing I can do. I have done what was in my power.'
    'Who are you?'
    I didn't get an answer. She just said: 'I have to go, agent Mulder. I
just wanted you to know.'
    'Know what?' I shouted. 'That I am blinded? What for? What
purpose does this have?'
    'I gave you the choice and you took it. So accept it.'
    She walked away from me. I heard her footsteps. 'Wait!' I shouted
while stepping forward. Her footsteps went. I was alone, helpless, in
darkness. 'Wait ...!' As I walked, suddenly every sense of soil underneath
me vanished. I lost balance, felt water surrounding me, and while falling I
hit my head pretty hard against the brick, stone wall covering the pond.
As I sank into deep water, I slipped into darkness, unable to fight.

    I heard voices around me. Lots of voices. I didn't recognize one of
them. Hands pulled me out of the water, hands touched my face and body.
I was tired. The only thing I wanted to do, was sleep and forget. Forget?
Maybe this was a bad dream. Maybe I would wake up and find myself
seeing again. Find Scully seeing again. But as I opened my eyes, I saw
nothing but darkness.
    'Did anyone see what happened?' I heard someone ask.
    'He just fell.'
    'Sir. Sir, can you hear me?'
    The voice was near me. I felt oxygen float in my nostrils and mouth.
I closed my eyes again, as the voices vanished. Someone said: 'He's
blind.'
    It wasn't a dream.
    I heard more voices. This time I recognized one. Scully. How did
she find me?
    'Mulder -!' I heard her say, and then she was next to me, and
touched my face. I opened my eyes but didn't see her.
    'I'm blind,' I said, pushing the oxygen mask from my face. 'She
gave you my sight, because that's what I wanted.'
    'I know, Mulder. Believe me, I know.'
    I wanted to ask how, but as we spoke, the world turned dark. There
were people, and I was blind.
    And somewhere between them, stood the woman who had blinded
me. She stood there, while her own dead eyes watched my inner soul,
knowing that I was willing to die. She knew it all.

    Darkness. Silence. Darkness. Then voices again. Scully's voice. Her
hand on mine. Her voice saying: 'Mulder. Mulder, it's me. Open your
eyes, Mulder.'
    I heard myself say. 'I can't. I can't open them. I can't see.'
    'Oh yes, you can.'
    I opened my eyes. The darkness was gone - the shades had taken
form. I saw. Scully's face. Her eyes staring into mine, seeing me. 'S -
Scully?'
    She smiled. 'It's okay, Mulder. You'll be fine.'
    I turned my head and saw the room. It was a room similar to hers.
But this time it was me lying in the bed, and she was the one standing next
to me. And she smiled, and I saw her smile.
    'Where am I?'
    'The hospital.'
    'Scully, I - I can see.'
    'I know, Mulder.' She smiled. 'I know.'
    'How?'
    'I don't know. Somehow your eyes must have recovered. No one
knows how.'
    'The woman - It was her, wasn't it? Did you see her?'
    'Yes, it was,' Scully responded. 'I don't know who she was, but she
gave you back your sight. That's what she said. She said you deserved to
see. Then she disappeared.'
    'Did you find her?'
    'No. And it's not important.' Scully smiled. 'She gave you the
power to make a choice, and you did. You gave me back my sight .. And
my life. Whoever she was, however she did it, is not important. You gave
me your eyes, the chance to live again. Why, Mulder?'
    'I was the driver ...' I responded. 'That's all. I was the driver.'
    Silence followed.
    As Scully touched my hand, and sat next to me, I knew the words
didn't need to be spoken. Who the blind woman with the white cane was,
didn't matter. She was probably wondering around somewhere, looking
for new deeds which needed to be done. Both Scully and I had sensed
darkness, and we had survived. At the end that's all that mattered. No
matter who she was. What she had done ...
    I knew she knew that.
    Somehow.

The End