Show Me the Way by Mulderslady Part of the What if stories universe DISCLAIMER: They don't belong to me, wish they did. Only Nick, Karen, Gini, Gabri, and Iggy Pop do. RATING: PG CLASSIFICATION: S, Alternative Universe, A, past MT, PWP, UST/RST KEYWORDS: MSR, Mulder and Scully angst, AU, past Physical Muldertorture, PWP, UST/RST SPOILERS: None URL: http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Capsule/5160/whatif.html FEEDBACK: Please!!! at damacia@home.com ARCHIVE: Oh yeah, anywhere!! SUMMARY: What if something in the past prevented Scully from enjoying her future? Part of the 'What if' Universe, a group of stories that ask the ever intriguing question, What if... Special Thanks to Spooky jr. for her long awaited edit. ********************************************** Humbled and helpless, learning to pray Praying for visions to show me the way Show me the way to forgive you Allow me to let it go, allow me to be forgiven And show me the way to let go "Thomas" - A Perfect Circle *********************************************** He stumbled into the ER, blood running down his arm as he collapsed on the floor. "OH, MY GOD! Get a stretcher!" " IV stat, get his shirt off!" ***** Later ***** "Mr. Mulder? Can you open your eyes for us?" "I would if I could, however it's better for you if I don't," Mulder said with a smile. "Mr. Mulder, I just want to make sure your pupils aren't dilated and there are no bleeds or..." "Oh, I can assure you, Dr..." "Scully, Dana Scully." "Dr. Scully, there are no bleeds or anything going on with my eyes." "Well, I'll just check and see." "Okay, I warned you," he said, a little smile on his face as she pulled open a lid. "OH GEEZ!!!!!" she said, frowning in horror when she saw the empty socket. "Told you. The other's the same way." "Oh, my God, how in the world..." "Car accident. So besides missing my eyes, what's up?" "Well, you were slashed from your arm across your chest. You'll have to stay here until the muscle tears heal." "Okay." He reached up and touched her face lightly. "Don't wrinkle your brow," he said, softly as his fingers wandered her face. "Okay." Mulder said softly "Okay, what?" Scully asked confused "I just like to see who I'm talking to, Dr. Scully." "Oh." "You're young aren't you?" "Not THAT young. I just finished my residency. I'm 27." "You married?" "Uh no," Scully said, with a smile, giving her anesthesiologist a confused look. "Do you want to be?" "Later on." "Do you have a boyfriend?" "No." "Why not?" "Never had the time, they demand more than I could give them." "Do you want one?" "Yeah." Mulder smiled. "Do you live alone?" "No, I have a roommate, her names Nick. She's also the anesthesiologist who helped me with you." "Don't forget Iggy," Nick chimed in. "Oh, and I have an iguana named Iggy Pop." "What are you doing later?" "Um, working." "How about tomorrow?" "The same." "Maybe we could go out sometime?" Scully giggled a little. "I'm serious." Mulder said a hurt tone to his voice. "I know, I'm very flattered really, but..." "But, you don't date patients," he said, matter of factly as he sighed heavily, resting his head against the pillows, reaching for his bed control. Scully put it in his hand, holding it gently in hers. "Yeah, but it's sweet you asked." "Thanks," he said in a dejected tone. "I should have known better. I would never have a chance with someone as beautiful as you. Later Doc." Scully blushed as she closed his door. "Dana, he's a doll! He had his heart on his sleeve and you crushed it," Nick scolded her. "He caught me off guard. Plus I don't date patients, Nick, not after Jayson." "Jayson had terminal brain cancer. This guy was just mugged, he's not going anywhere. You set your standards too high." "No, I'm just reluctant to get hurt again, Nick. Next patient." **************** Three Days Later **************** Mulder laid on his bed as the TV droned on in his constant quest to fight the boredom. "Hey, Mr. Mulder, how are you feeling today?" his nurse asked, as she brought in his dinner tray. "Tired, horny and lonely. How are you feeling, Karen?" "Tired and hungry," Karen said, blushing at his honesty. She checked his bandages, starting when he touched her face gently. "Don't, I just wanted to see you." "Okay, sorry." He let his fingers caress her face and he nodded. "You married, Karen?" "Yeah." "He's a lucky man, you're very beautiful." "Thank you, you're beautiful too." He smiled sadly. "No, I'm not. The best thing about me was my eyes, but thanks any way." Karen ran her fingers lightly through his hair. "You live alone?" she asked, sitting next to him on the bed. "Very alone." "You're not married?" Karen asked, in disbelief. A handsome man like this, not snatched up? "No, not anymore." "Kids?" "No, I wish. We were trying to have some when. .. it happened. I'm sorry, Karen, I'm holding you up. I'm just lonely where's my..." "Here. You're not inconveniencing me at all, it's my job," Karen said, moving his tray so he could reach it. "Thanks, Karen, smells good. Want some? You said you were hungry." "No, I got my husband bringing me some pizza. He owns a pizzeria down town." "Really? Good to know." "You have many friends?" "No, just one really good friend named Reggie. We went to college together, got married together only he stayed married. He has this awesome three-year-old named Gabri, she's gorgeous. They're in Hawaii at the moment." "Where do you work?" "I'm a psychotherapist, private practice." "Wow, that's nice." "Thanks, can you hand me my glasses? I'm tired of holding my eyes shut." "Sure. You don't have to, I've seen worse," Karen said, handing him the sunglasses. "I know, I scared her the last time. I don't want to do that again," he said, putting on the sunglasses and continued eating. "Her?" "My doc, Dr. Dana Scully," he said, with a mix of awe and wonder. "She's pretty isn't she?" "She's absolutely gorgeous! And her voice, I could listen to her all day, which is important for me. She doesn't date patients though," Mulder said, with a disgusted sigh. Karen raised an eyebrow at him. "What? I felt you move," he said, quickly. "You sound upset about her not dating patients." "Very. You never realize how lonely you are till you find someone you can't have." "Well I gotta go I see Tony and my pizza. I'll come back later and talk more, you're an interesting guy." "Thank you, Karen. Thank you for listening." "You're welcome, Mr. Mulder. She'll come around, I think her last boyfriend hurt her terribly. She's still getting over it." ******** Next Day ******** "Mr. Mulder, hey, how you feel?" "Sore. How are you, Dr. Scully?" Mulder said, pulling him self up in bed a little and smiling at her brightly. "I'm fine, tired, hungry..." "Want me to take you to lunch?" "Um, Mr. Mulder, you're under strict orders to stay..." "I am. Pizza good for you?" "Yeah, so where you taking me?" Scully said, with a smile. "Hold on, I'll get it delivered." She nodded, sitting next to him on the bed. "I'm sorry about shooting you down a few days ago. You just caught me off guard. It's been a while since someone's been so forward..." "I believe if you're not forward you'll never get anything accomplished. What you like on your pizza?" "Pepperoni and sausage." "Okay, yeah, large hand tossed pepperoni and sausage, delivered to room 1010 of GUMC. Yeah, Mulder. Hey Tony. Yeah, please I need a Pepsi bad. Thanks, bye." "Regular?" "No, Karen's husband." "Oh, well you really do make the rounds," Scully teased. "I find it an advantage to befriend as many people as possible." "How long ago did it happen?" "Three years." "Why didn't they sew your eyes shut? They usually do." "The way they were...removed was so traumatic he wanted them open to heal properly and not get infected." "Are you married?" "I used to be. She left me cause she couldn't stand to look at me anymore." "Do you have a girlfriend?" "What do you think?" Scully giggled. "Okay, do you live alone?" "Very alone." "Really?" "Yeah, my ex took the car, a nice lump sum and my dog." "Dang." "Who hurt you, Dana?" Mulder said softly, brushing her cheek lightly with the back of his hand. "A patient, he had brain cancer." "You loved him?" "We were engaged. He was getting better, he was so happy then he just dies... it was so sudden." "I won't hurt you, Dana," Mulder said, gently touching her lips, leaning into her more. "I know..." "I could love you, Dana. Don't you want to be loved?" She nodded, as his lips met hers light and magical. He slanted his mouth over hers more, cupping her face as he devoured her mouth. She pulled away from him quickly. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he said, breathlessly. She stood up quickly, moving away from him, trying to calm down. "I'm okay." She moved back to the bed, wiping the lipstick from his mouth. "There. Are you okay?" she said, watching him concerned as he breathed erratically. "Yeah, yeah," he said, taking a deep breath. "Yeah, I'm sorry I...it's been awhile since I kissed a woman." "Oh." "No, I haven't kissed a man," Scully giggled and Mulder smiled. "You have a very pretty smile," she said, running her fingers through his hair playfully. "Thank you, I love your laugh," Mulder said, blushing slightly. Scully looked at him, thinking a moment. "I'd love to go out with you when you get out of here, Mr. Mulder." "Just call me Mulder." "Sure, Mulder." "Thank you, could you hand me my wallet? I smell pizza." ************** One Week Later ************** "Mulder, hey man, you okay?" His best friend Reggie said, as he came into his hospital room. "Yeah, hey, Reg." "Uncle Mulder!!" A rambunctious three-year-old said, as she traipsed over to Mulder, her pigtails bouncing wildly. "Oh Gabri, hey honey," he said reaching for the child. Reggie placed her gently on his chest. "Not to rough, Gabri. What happened?" "Got slashed by Mike." "Told you he was going to go off on you." "Yeah, well he got what he wanted now, he's in Bellevue." "So when you getting out of this place?" "Tomorrow, hold on a sec, Reg. Hey, Dana." Reggie raised an eyebrow at the redheaded doctor who entered the room. "Hey, Mulder, how do you feel?" She said, gently running the back of her hand across his cheek. "Fine now." Scully blushed. "Good, you're getting discharged tomorrow morning. Who's this?" "Gabri and my buddy, Reggie." "Reginald Perdue, I work with Mulder," Reggie said, formally shaking her hand firmly. "Hi, Dr. Dana Scully, I put him back together." "I see that. Come on, Gabri, I think she needs to check your uncle Mulder over. You don't want to watch that," Reggie said, leaning and picking up Gabri whispering in Mulder's ear quickly. "You better tell me about this later." "Okay, see you later, Reggie." "No, you won't," Mulder laughed as Reggie left. "Okay, so you got everything arranged?" "Yeah, staying at my place. I have to check back in two weeks and when do you want to go out?" he asked with a smile. "Is Saturday okay with you?" "Sure, it's perfect." ******** Next Day ******** "Okay, daredevil, what's up with the Doc?" Reggie asked, as he helped him out of the car and into his house. "What do you mean?" "You two seemed a little... well, too buddy buddy if you know what I mean." "Yeah, well I kinda asked if she'd go out with me when I got out and she said okay. She was getting used to me while I was at the hospital." "Well, my, my, getting bold aren't we?" Reggie teased, as he sat on the couch. "I'm tired of being alone Reg. Diana even took my seeing eye dog!" "Get another one." "I'm on the waiting list, plus I'm not that kind of lonely." "Oh, oh! The worst kind of lonely." "Definitely. Reggie, I haven't gotten laid in..." "Hmmm, how long have you and Diana been divorced now?" "Three years, I haven't been laid in three years!" "Dang, Mulder." "Not from, lack of trying." "Yeah, I think the empty socket thing gets them." Reggie said with a smile "Yeah, so do I. I wish he'd just sewn them shut." "So..." "I don't know about this, Reg, I mean you saw her didn't you? She's gorgeous!" "Oh, yeah, I saw that all right." "I think she just pities me. I practically swallowed her when I kissed her a couple weeks ago." "You kissed her?! Details!" "I...it was a spur of the moment thing. I just moved in, and locked on, it's been forever since I kissed a woman." "Really?" "Yeah, she smelled good, tasted good, felt good, god when I pulled away, I couldn't breathe, had a hard on the size of..." Reggie burst out laughing, playfully ruffling Mulder's hair. "You want me to stay?" "Nah, go home." "Get laid for you?" "Please?" "Okay, I will. Take care of yourself man." ******** Saturday ******** He opened the door slowly. "Hey, Mulder." "Hey, Scully, ready to go?" "Yeah, but I got a page I got to answer, can I use your phone real quick?" "Sure." She scooted past him, stopping when she felt his hand trace down her body. "Sorry, I wanted to see what you were wearing," Mulder said, removing his hand quickly. "Oh, it's okay, I gotta get used to that." "You're not a very touchy person, are you?" "No, I'm not. It's definitely something I have to work on if I'm going to be hanging with you. I'll just be a minute." ****** Dinner ****** Scully smiled as she listened to Mulder relate an amusing college story. He's so interesting, funny, sweet, charming, handsome and perfect for me in every way. Why am I holding back? Is it cause he can't see me? Cause when he opens his eyes it's nothing but empty holes? "Dana, I haven't put you to sleep have I?" he asked concerned, reaching across the table gently touching her face to see if her eyes were open. "No, I was just thinking about something, I got distracted, sorry." "Okay, good. I know my voice tends to have that calming effect." "Therapist trick," Dana said, with a giggle. "It is very mesmerizing, I could listen to you for hours." "I'd rather it be the other way around." "We'll get to me soon enough. This is only our first date." Mulder smiled happily, taking a sip of his wine and continuing. ************** Mulder's Place ************** "That was fun, Mulder. What are you doing tomorrow? I was going to the park. I have an urge to take pictures of everything." "Nothing, my weekends are usually free." "Great, I'll see you about 1, okay?" "Okay. Goodnight, Dana." "Night," she said, leaning up and kissing him gently on the lips, pulling away quickly. "See you tomorrow." Scully walked into her apartment, picking up her iguana who scrambled to meet her. "Hey Iggy! You missed mommy? Oh Iggy this has possibilities," She said, sitting on the couch and cuddling the iguana gently. "Does it now? Tell all," Nick said excitedly, coming out of her bedroom. "Nothing happened, I just realized I shouldn't judge a book by it's cover." **************** Thursday Morning **************** Scully pulled out the pics from Sunday's trip to the park and flipped through them, as her mom flitted around her living room. "I mean it, Dana, you should have a better apartment or at least a townhouse, you're a doctor sweetie." "I know but... mmmmm that's a nice picture. I'm not home enough maybe later, Mom." "Well... oh he's handsome, who's he?" Her mom said, looking over her shoulder. "A guy," Scully said coyly, as she continued looking at the pictures. Her mom gave her THE LOOK, crumbling her facade. "Okay, okay, he's a guy I'm seeing. There, that's all your getting out of me." "But... well, okay how long?" "Just a few weeks." "He's adorable! Oh and he has dimples!" Scully rolled her eyes, mom always was a sucker for dimples. A knock came at the door and her mom answered it, smiling when she saw Mulder at the door. "Well, hello." "Hi, is Dana in?" "Yes, I'm her mother, Margaret Scully, come on in." "Nice to meet you, Mrs. Scully." "Mulder, hey, I was coming by your place later." "I know, I couldn't wait. Here," he said, handing her a single white rose. "Thanks. Sit down, I was looking through the pics from Sunday." "Oh, any good ones?" "They're all good." He felt for a chair, pulling it back and sitting down quickly. Her mom quirked an eyebrow, why hasn't he taken off his sunglasses? "Are your eyes sensitive to light?" Her mom asked, concerned. "Not anymore. " Her mom looked at Scully, confused. "I lost them in a car accident, I haven't found them yet," Mulder clarified with a smile, gently running his fingers along the back of Scully's hand, making her blush. Her mom noticed the body language and excused herself so they could have some privacy. Mulder moved closer, taking her hand in his. "Mulder?" "Can I kiss you?" "Of course you can." He hungrily devoured her mouth and she pulled away quickly, blushing. "What?" Mulder asked confused "Um, Mulder? Not like that." "Sorry," he said, with a soft sigh. "I just want to take things slowly, okay?" "Okay, I understand." He fidgeted slightly, chewing his bottom lip lightly, making Scully giggle. "God, you're horny." He smiled, blushing slightly. "Sorry I... I haven't been with anyone for a while." "Well then I'll try not to tease you so much, okay?" **************** Six Months Later **************** Scully giggled at the movie, leaning her head on Mulder's shoulder. He smiled down at her, putting his arms around her, letting his fingers run down her arm. Scully closed her eyes and listened to the narrator on the movie. She imagined what the man said, seeing the characters in her mind. Wow, this is even better than watching she thought, as she opened her eyes again. She looked up at Mulder and sighed. "I love you, Mulder." "I love you too, Dana." He let his fingers brush her cheek as he leaned in for a kiss. She kissed him, smiling into his mouth as he kissed her harder. He slanted his mouth over hers, tasting her, he held her to him, his hands sliding to her waist. He groaned softly into her mouth as he tore from her lips, kissing her on the neck, nipping and licking at it as his hands found their way under her shirt toying with her bared nipples. "Oh, Dana, I want you," he whispered, as his hands traveled to her pantyline. "Please, Dana, please," he whispered slowly, lowering her to her back on the couch, climbing over her. He undid his pants and boxers, rubbing against her with a groan. She pushed him away quickly. "What? What? I'm sorry, did I move too fast?" Mulder asked, redoing his pants when she stilled his hands. "That looks kinda painful." She teased. "Yeah, it'll go down later," he said breathlessly, redoing his pants, trying to refocus on the movie. She smiled slyly, reaching into his pants and taking him in hand. He exploded with a groan. "Jeez, Scully, stop!" He said frustrated, pushing her away. "What?" "Stop, okay, just stop," he said, exhaling shakily and running a hand through his hair. "What?" Scully asked genuine confused. "You promised not to tease me." "I'm sorry, I just..." "I think you better go okay?" "But the movie's not..." "We'll finish it another time," he said through gritted teeth, as he turned off the TV, standing up quickly. "Mulder, stop, I'm sorry. Look we need to talk." "Tomorrow, please?" "Ok bye," she said, kissing him quickly on the cheek and leaving. ************* She sat on her couch, petting Iggy's back lightly. "Am I teasing him?" "Yes!" Nick said, with a smile as she sat on the couch. "Huh?" "You kiss all on him, touch him, then when he makes a move you stop him cold! You can't do that to a guy. He probably hasn't gotten laid in years, Dana. You can't toy with a sexually deprived man!" "Well we're having THE TALK tomorrow so...we'll see." "So, your serious about him?" Nick asked with a smile "Yeah, I think I am, why?" "Nothing, just seeing if I have to get used to having him around or not." ************** Next Day Mulder's Place 7 P.M. ************** Mulder ran his fingers along the back of her hand, making Scully turn and smile at him. I love the way he touches me to get my attention. I'd never tell him how much I like the way his hands feel on me. "What?" "We need to talk now." "Okay." "I love you, Dana, you know that right? I understand your fear of being hurt but... I'm not... I'm not going anywhere. I really really want to make love to you, Dana." Scully blushed, holding his hand between hers. "I want to kiss you, hold you, cuddle you, feel you I...I want to be a part of you, a part of your life and I hope you let me do that. I'm getting serious about us. These feeling I have for you are very strong and I want to be able to... " he was silenced by Scully kissing him hard. He pulled away slowly with a shy smile. "I guess that means yes?" he said with a slight blush. "Yeah, it does." "Okay, um, does that mean tonight? Or... wait a few days?" "If it's ok, I don't want you to wear me out tonight and I have to work a double tomorrow and the next day." "Friday then?" "Yeah, I'll stay over Friday." "Okay! Well, um, wanna finish that movie now?" ********* Wednesday ********* "Hey, I think your boyfriend's here," Nick said with a smile, as Scully turned to look. "Quite the ladies man." "WHAT?!" Scully said, her eyes locking on him, smacking Nick on the arm when she saw him headed towards her, flowers in his hand. "Made you look, getting possessive?" Nick teased. "I'm not possessive," Scully said, walking up to him. "Hey, cutie," She said, kissing him on the cheek gently. "There you are, here I got you these," he said, looking just past her. Scully gently moved his face so he appeared to be looking at her. Last thing I need is the staff teasing me about my blind boyfriend, Scully thought as Mulder said, "I came by because I... I'm going to be out of town for awhile." "What?" "I'm going to a conference in California. I'll be back next Thursday but, um, I have to leave tomorrow." "Oh, I guess that means Friday's plans are..." "Yeah I was wondering if maybe you wanted to..." "I'm working a double." "Oh... well, I..." "I'll drop you at the airport though, what time?" "I have a 10:30 flight so about 9?" "Sure, see you then." "Ok, bye," Mulder said, reluctantly leaving. "Dana!" Nick scolded. "What?" "I could cover for you tonight if you wanted to..." "He'll be back next Thursday, I can wait." Scully said nonchalantly picking up a chart. "Yeah, but can he? You've done nothing but tease that man since you started dating him. Now he's close to getting a sign of commitment from you and you hide and shy away. He's got to be getting tired of it. If your not comfortable with him, you need to stop playing with him and tell him that so he can move on, okay?" "Okay, jeez Nick," Scully said, rolling her eyes and going back to her charts. ******** Next day ******** "See you next Thursday," Mulder said, leaning down and kissing her again. "Okay, I love you, go on and call me when you get there," Scully said, wiping her lipstick from his mouth, and giving him a push towards the boarding deck. Scully watched him get on the plane and sighed heavily. "Dana? Dana Scully? Hey, I thought that was you," A handsome man with light brown hair said, in shock. Scully turned and looked into his sea green eyes and smiled. "Shane, Hi! Long time no see." "I know, since pre med., how you been? Where you going?" Shane asked interested, she hasn't changed a bit, he thought as he gave her a quick once over. "Oh, I'm fine, I was just seeing someone off." "Oh, yeah, the blind guy. Yeah, anyway, what are you doing now?" **&& Scully looked at Shane and smiled at something he said. This is the fourth night in a row I've been with him, Dana what's up here? She thought as Shane said, "Okay, okay, I've been avoiding this for four days now but I gotta know. What's up with the blind guy?" "Huh?" Scully said breaking from her daze "I saw you kiss him at the airport, that wasn't a just friends kiss either. So your into charity cases now?" "What?!" "Oh, come on, Dana, he's blind! And from what Nick tells me, he has like no eyes just empty space. What could you possibly see in him?" Shane said, chuckling at his own pun. "See? Forgot he can't see anything." Scully frowned. "He has a great personality and..." "He's missing body parts, Dana." "He's sweet, funny, he loves me..." "Can you really be satisfied with a man who can't see you? Happy with someone who will be dependant on you for things he shouldn't be?" "It's not like that," Scully defended, as Shane voiced her doubts. "Whatever, Dana, you still haven't given me a reason why you love him." Scully stood up quickly, leaving the restaurant in a huff. Shane paid, quickly following her. "Dana, look I'm sorry. I just don't want you to lower your standards to be loved. Who hurt you that you were driven towards someone like him anyway?" Shane asked softly, brushing a strand of her hair behind her ear. Scully looked into his eyes and sighed, is it cause of Jayson that I'm attracted to Mulder? Am I lowering my standards? "It's a long story, Shane." "I got all the time in the world." *********** Mulder dialed Scully's number and waited. God, the fourth night in a row, she must be pulling doubles all week, he thought as the phone picked up. "Nick, what's up?" "Hey, Nick, it's Mulder, is Dana around?" "Hey, Mulder, how's Cali? She's out with Shane tonight, want me to have her call you when she gets in?" "California's nice, um... Shane?" "Yeah, he's an ex from college, so..." "No, that's okay...how long has he been in town?" "Four days." "Oh, well alright. 'Night, Nick." ********* Next Week Thursday ********* Mulder put his bags down in his bedroom and laid across the bed. "Need anything else before I go?" Reggie asked him as he headed for the door. "No thanks Reggie, see you tomorrow." "Okay, get some sleep." Mulder sat up reaching for the phone, dialing her number quickly. How can I sleep when my girlfriends been with her ex everyday I was gone! It picked up on the second ring. "Hello," A male voice said, shocking Mulder. "Hi, may I speak with Dana please?" "Sure, hold on. Hey, honey, phone." HONEY?! "Thanks Shane, hello?" "Hi." "Mulder! Hey when did you get back?" "Today, it is Thursday...I was hoping you'd want to..." "I wish, I got plans, then working a double two nights straight." "Okay, well, goodnight." "Mulder, are you okay? You sound funny," Scully asked, concerned. "Yeah, I'm fine, just a little tired. Bye." Mulder hung up forcefully, running a frustrated hand through his hair. It's not what you think, it can't be, calm down, he thought as he went to take a shower. ****** Monday ****** "Nick, I haven't heard from Mulder in almost four days, you think he's okay?" Scully asked, as she changed out of her scrubs into street clothes. "Yeah, he's fine, just a tad jealous but okay." "Jealous?" "Don't play dumb. Shane," Nick said, rolling her eyes, letting out a sigh. "Mulder has nothing to worry about with Shane." "Yeah, but he doesn't know that. Shane's always around, answers the phone, you rearrange your plans and schedule to be with Shane. You never did that with Mulder, you practically ignored him in comparison." "He hasn't called, come by..." "Then why haven't you?" Scully threw up her hands frustrated. "I shouldn't have to." "God, I feel sorry for that man!" Nick said, storming out of the locker room. ********* Wednesday 7 p.m. ********* Mulder opened the door and smiled when she walked past him into the house. He went back to the kitchen, sitting at the table. "Where have you been, Mulder?" Scully said, after a few moments of silence. "Here or at work." "I was worried, I hadn't heard from you for awhile." "You could have called if you were worried, you know my numbers," Mulder said, getting up and pouring himself some more coffee and sitting back at the table. Scully sat across from him, reaching for his hands when he moved away. "What's the matter?" "What do you mean?" "Why'd you jerk away?" Mulder sighed heavily, asking "Who's Shane?" "My ex-boyfriend from..." "Why's he always with you?" "He..." "Why's he always at your house?" "He's..." "Do you love him?" "Mulder..." "Did you sleep with him while I was gone?" "NO! I..." "If he's your ex, why's he hanging with you 24/7, what about me? What am I to you, Dana? You introduce me as your friend, you never hold my hand when were out, hardly ever show me any affection in public. You act like I don't exist till it's convenient." "I do not! You read too much into things..." "I do?! You say you love me, but you never show it. I'm making all the effort here! I'm tired of it, Dana. You say you love me, tell me why?" "I... why do I have to have a reason!" Scully said, frustrated. "You don't, but you need to be more committed to this relationship." "Me?!" "Yes you! I'd do anything to be with you, rearrange my schedule doesn't matter how important. You, if even the slightest thing comes up, oh sorry I can't do what we planned, why don't you have someone else go. Dana, don't you understand..." "No, I don't, why are you so upset that a friend of mine..." "Your ex-boyfriend, who obviously wants you back, is constantly hanging around you? You cancel things with me, your current boyfriend I assume, to be with him. What is it about him that you like more than me?" "He can see me, I can look into his eyes when..." Scully froze, realizing what she had just said. "Oh, my God, Mulder, I didn't mean that." Mulder's face paled, then reddened. "Get out," he growled. "Mulder...Fox, please I was upset..." "Get the fuck out of my house and don't ever come back." Scully got up quickly, running out the house before she did more damage. ************* Scully collapsed on the couch, burying her face in her hands. Iggy Pop curled up into her lap, staring at her with concerned eyes. "I screwed up, Iggy, I screwed up big time." She said running her hand along the iguana's back slowly. "What did you do now?" Nick said. Scully looked at Nick, her face tear stained. "Oh boy, what did you do? Hold on, I think I need a beer before I hear this." ************** Nick covered her mouth in shock. "Dana!" "I was upset, he pressed my buttons. I didn't finish, it just came out and...I screwed up. Then he told me to basically fuck off. I don't know what to do, I don't want to lose him." "Maybe this is what you need. Some time apart, some time to sort through your feelings. You've never been totally comfortable with him, you need to come to terms with that. Do you want to be with Mulder the way he is or not? That's what you need to decide during this break. Once you figure it out, you'll know what you need to do okay?" Nick said softly, looking at her with unjudging eyes. "Yeah, thanks, Nick." ***************** Two Weeks Later Baja Bean company ***************** "Hey, isn't that Dana? Who's that she's with?" Reggie asked Mulder, as he waited for his mocha cappuccino. "I don't know, I can't see him." Reggie smirked, slapping him playfully. "Tall, light brown hair, he..." "Shane," Mulder said, shortly. "Oh, so..." "Never mind, you ready?" Mulder said sipping his coffee "Don't you want to..." "No, I don't," Mulder said, through gritted teeth. "But..." Reggie started, confused as Mulder stormed off. "Hey, Dana," Reggie said, waving. "Hey, Reggie, how are you? Mulder with you?" "He was. Something happen between you two? He's been awful edgy lately." Reggie asked concerned. "We had a bit of a fight, I said...I said some thing's I shouldn't have that really hurt him. He's not talking with me right now." "Oh, well want me to..." "Dana, baby what you want?" Shane asked. Reggie raised an eyebrow slightly looking from Shane to Dana understanding finally dawning. "No, but thanks, Reg, see you around." Reggie walked out, getting in the car, looking at Mulder. "I'm sorry man, you should have told me you two broke up." "Just drive." Mulder said flatly "'Kay," Reggie started the car. "How long..." "Almost two weeks, can we go?" "Need to..." "NO! I don't!" Mulder said sharply "Okay, okay, I'm here if you need to talk though." "Ok!" "You don't need to get defensive, Mulder, I'm just trying to..." Mulder got out of the car, whipping out his cane walking towards the subway station. "Mulder?!" "I'll see you later, Reggie." *************** Two Weeks Later Mulder's Office *************** "Mulder, you have a visitor," his secretary called into his office. Mulder opened the door and was hit by a familiar smell. He frowned immediately. "What do you want?" He said in a cold, even tone. "To talk." Scully said softly "We have nothing to talk about." "Yes, we do, please hear me out. I'm sorry about what I said, you just didn't listen to me when I..." He crossed his arms. "I'm listening now." "You know I love you, I don't have a reason, I just do. You know I want to be with you. I've never had to... no rephrase that, I've never had a relationship with someone like you and I didn't know how to react. I know now what I want, please can we talk privately?" He walked back into his office and she followed, closing the door. "I'm miserable without you." Scully said reaching to touch him, he moved from her touch. "Shane not good enough for you?" Mulder asked, viciously. "Mulder, I'm not involved with him. I..." "But you had feelings for him again?" "Yes." "Cause he could see you." "Yeah." "Don't you think I want to be able to do that? To see you? To look into your eyes, your beautiful blue eyes, touch your hair and see it flow through my fingers. Don't you think I want that?" Mulder said frustrated "Yes, I know you do, let me finish." "Okay." "He could see me, yes, but he couldn't see me the way you do. I love the way you see me. I love the way your hands feel when you look at me and I missed that. I missed you. I missed your voice, your personality, seeing you everyday, I missed you. I don't have a reason, I just did." Scully said caressing his face gently with her hands. Mulder sighed leaning into her touch asking "Did you sleep with him?" "Yes." Mulder moved away from her, hurt. "Did you enjoy it?" "No." "Why not?" "He wasn't you. I didn't even let him finish. Mulder, if you could find it in your heart to forgive me, if you could find it in your heart to give me another chance, I promise to try harder to love you the way you should be loved." "Let me think about it, please." "But..." "I need some time to think, Dana. God, if I went by what I was feeling, I'd take you back right now. But I'm not sure if it's the best thing. I need to think, okay?" "Sure, how long?" "I'll call you, okay?" "Sure," Scully said, walking out of his office. "Can I kiss you?" His secretary looked up, seeing what would happen. "No, you can't," Scully nodded, running her fingers along his face gently before leaving. Mulder sighed heavily. "When's my next appointment?" he asked his secretary "Ten minutes. Mulder, she seems like she meant it." "I know she does." ************ Two Days Later ************ "Scully," Scully answered quickly, only to be greeted by silence. "Scully, hello?" Scully waited, still nothing. "Mulder?" "Can you come over?" He finally answered. "Yes! Yes, I'll be over in a few minutes." "Thank you." **************** Scully unlocked the door quickly, sitting next to him on the couch. "Hey." He didn't move. "You asleep on me?" He pulled his hand from his pants and stretched. "Oh, starting without me," Scully teased, Mulder smiled. "Want to help me finish?"